A quick brekky this morning before we left town

In a busy little hub of a cafe

When I sit down

I look over my menu at the table next to us

A young couple, who look kind of familiar

Actually, just the bloke does

I didn’t recognise the lady

And it took me a while for me to work out where I knew him from

*LIGHT BULB*

It was Daniel

As in Daniel from last night’s show

Anyone at the show knows exactly who I’m talking about

Bucket mouth Daniel

Show us your tits Jenny, Daniel

Yelling out throughout my whole show Daniel

I love you Jenny, Daniel

Drunk as a mofo staggering to the toilet during the show Daniel

Marry me Jenny, Daniel

He looked over at our table this morning

And just about shit a brick

The colour drained from his face

“….Mornin’ Daniel!”

“…umm, yeah….hi”

Poor bastard was absolutely mortified

Sitting there with his girlfriend / wife and no doubt a monster hangover

So I left him alone

Until we left

And I stopped at his table and gave him a small piece of paper

“…you were amazing last night….call me..”

Nothing like starting your morning off being a complete bitch with a good belly laugh

 

 

OK, so I’m going to have a bit of a vent here

Is it that time of the month already?

But I am going to TRY and make it a carefully worded rant

So as not to get Dad anyone in any more trouble

Here goes

Say you were a member of a social networking site

Called….ummmm….Spacelook!

And say you were also a comedian

A popular Australian comedian

KNOWN for your politically incorrect-ness

And your daughter, who’s totally hot & skinny signed you up for Spacelook

And showed you how to use it

You get the hang of it pretty quick

Start yourself a ‘fan’ page

And your mates add themselves at a rate of 500+ a day

Then on the day your page hits over 107,000 *likes*

Spacelook DISABLE your page

For violating its policies

 

Now I understand you need rules

You need to control the content on these kind of pages to some extent

You don’t want people being abusive or threatening

But I think you have to watch how you enforce these rules

See, comedy is a very subjective thing

And what some people find funny

Others may find it offensive

Examples of such jokes are the ones about Japan

I personally haven’t posted any

I haven’t heard any/read any that I found funny

But I’m not going to shit on your parade if you do

If I don’t like it, I just ignore them

But I don’t take offense

Because offense IS something that is TAKEN

It’s very hard to GIVE it to someone

There’s very little comedy that is intended to offend

Just like a certain Australian politically incorrect comedian

There’s no malice in what he says or does

It’s just what he finds funny

“….bought a brand new Japanese car. With only 15 nautical miles on it”

I’m like…’meh’

It certainly doesn’t bother me

Now, if some of the 107,000+ fans on your page then post their own versions of what they think is funny on your wall

Which, in my opinion, not much of it was

Should that affect ‘your’ Spacelook account?

Apparently it does

For inciting hatred

But the kicker is

It takes people to complain about it

If enough people report your comments to Spacelook as being offensive

Your account will get disabled

But these people that report you

Are *fans*

That’s how they get to read what’s on your page

So, they’re enough of a fan to *like* your page

They know what you do

Possibly even have your cds

Or maybe attended a show at some time

But now, there’s something you’ve written that they’ve taken offense to

Really?

You’ve got nothing better to do than troll through peoples Spacelook pages and report shit that doesn’t please you?

Dad Someone told me something once.,

“…don’t let people with no lives dictate how you live yours”

So yeah, maybe I’m overly pissed off about this

And Dad others couldn’t give a fuck

Why don’t these fun police spend their time dobbing in the true trouble makers?

Like the anti-muslim groups

The I hate-so & so groups

The pedophile groups

Leave the people alone, that for 27 years years have been telling the jokes that make people laugh

Sharing the stories for no other reason, than to make people happy

Except for the ONE time it didn’t

I think sites like Spacebook should examine disabling accounts more carefully

Check out who they’re really shutting down

Arsehole, mean-spirited blokes spewing hatefilled rants?

Like a lot of fucktards ARE doing with their pathetic payback for Pearl Harbour & the whales ignorant postings

Or the genuinely good blokes that are on sites like Spacelook to connect with their fans

And maybe give them a laugh every now & then

I feel a song coming on

A love song even

Dedicated to Mark Zuckerberg Dark Fuckingterd

 

UPDATE: one of Dad’s fans (Hi Malcolm!) has started a “BRING BACK KEV!” page

CLICK HERE to add yourself to it & feel free to share it with your friends

This should be interesting…

 

Paybacks are a bitch aren’t they?

Yeah, I’m talking to you!

The two wank-stains in the room next door

I say next door, but you might as well have been in my room

You pair of fuck-knuckles

I could hear every word

Of your drunken gibberish bullshit last night

Or should I say this morning?

I have no problem with you being drunk

It was the volume of your drunkeness that bothered me

And it wasn’t even entertaining

Me?

When I’m wasted, at least I keep it funny as fuck

Just ask…well…umm…just take my word for it, OK?

You two dudes were all knocking over the furniture and giggling like teenage girls

And just when I’d convinced myself you were totally gay and I was preparing myself to what I was about to hear

You know, all the grunting and sloshing around noises that anal sex makes

Well, I had my noise canceling headphones charged up

Traveling Wilburies ready to go on my iPhone

And then you went and called one of your girlfriends

(OK, so your not gay – but you’re still a pair of fuckwits)

You put her on speakerphone

And proceeded to have phone sex

I can’t work out which bit was my favourite

Was it the part when you told her to wait a minute while you went in the bathroom to spew your guts up?

Almost

That was just beaten by the crash you made when you farted and fell off the bed

Thanks for keeping it classy room 18

I think I actually got the most joy from the fact that whoever’s girlfriend she was

She had no idea that your mate was in the room listening

She was completely oblivious the the threesome she was having

This all started o get a little old

AT THREE THIRTY AM

And that is why, at 6am this morning

I put my Billy Blanks Bootcamp Workout DVD in my laptop

Cranked the volume to the max, pressed play

And went for a walk for an hour

Knowing that you’d be woken by the sounds of some dude yelling out, ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR

ONE-TWO-THREE-FOUR

It’s an awesome way to wake up isn’t it boys?

When I got back from my walk

The DVD was finished

I could hear you stumbling around in your hungover state next door (probably looking for YOUR noise canceling headphones)

Sorry, did I wake you?

Just be sure I did…

I put on Mariah Carey’s Christmas Album (yes, I do have this in my iTunes library – don’t judge me needle-dicks!)

Cranked the volume up again

And went for another walk

You’re welcome mother fuckers

So this anti-gay politician get’s pulled over by the police

After leaving a gay nightclub

With a male companion as his passenger

The cops noticed him swerving all over the road ’cause he was getting his dick sucked

And charged him with a DUI

Hypocritical FUCKTARD much?