employee of the month

Arrived at the hotel today

And it’s pretty bloody cold

Turned the heat on but it just blew cold air

Let it run for nearly an hour

And it was still blowing cold air

Called reception, who said they’d send someone up

‘Someone’ arrived a couple of minutes later

He walks in

Man: What’s the fuckin’ problem mate – doesn’t feel cold in here to me?

Me: It’s blowing cold air, I’m freezing

Man: Put some bloody clothes on then

Me: Well in case you didn’t notice, I’m already wearing just about every piece of clothing I own

Man: I guess you’re fucked then


This guy has obviously been trained well in the art of “CUSTOMER-SERVICE-IS-FOR-PUSSIES”

Me: So what am I supposed to do – spend all day in bed with the electric blanket maxed out?

Man: Electric blankets?

Nah – we don’t have those 

This guy just keeps getting better

Man: You really are shit out of luck then aren’t ya mate?


Apologies in advance to all the people at tonight’s show 

I know I’m gonna poke out more than a few eyes with my nipples

If they don’t fall off before then


But wait

There’s more..

Mr Fucking Helpful He was checking out my work clothes that I had laid out on the bed cause he’s probably a tranny

Man: What the fuck’s all that for?

Me: My work clothes 

Like it’s any of his business

man: You a fuckin’ hooker then are ya?

I shit you not

That is word-for-fucking word what this dude said

It was almost laughable

(and totally would have been if it was happening to someone else!)



So the big question NOW is….

Who loves me enough to come and bail me out of jail?

I’m not there yet – but I’m pretty sure the charge will be murder

And I can even tell you how

It will be death by heater remote control

Being jammed so far up his arsehole that it punctures a lung





One comment

  1. Note for next time:
    Dickhead: blah blah fuck blah blah hooker blah blah
    Jenny: *cloth in hand* “S’cuse me, Richard, does this smaell like chloroform to you?”
    *Richard wakes in town with Jenny clothes on, lipstick and bar heater shoved up his ass with a note in his bra that says, ” You were hot…Thanks for the good time”

    If you’re reading this in jail…call me. I’ll bail you out and him up!

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