On our mini-vacation last week – the kids had a ball

We went to Great Wolf Lodge again

But this time, thanks to my iPhone, we got STRAIGHT THERE

Unlike last time when I completely fucked up and took us HOURS in the wrong direction

So yeah, this trip was already going better than last time

We arrived in time to chuck our bathers on & go right downstairs to the indoor waterpark

Once the humid stench of chlorine and children became too much

We went outside to the hotel pool

Which has a bar, so Diamond and I made ourselves comfy while the girls played

They were running around, screaming & having a ball

But then I didn’t hear them & couldn’t see them

So I raced over to the water and saw this

Miss 6 floating on her stomach

And I just bout puked on myself

Until she stuck her head out of the water and started laughing

I’m like, DUDE!

You just about gave me a heart attack!!

Do you realise that when you lay on your tummy like that, with your arms stretched out to the side

It looks like you’ve drowned?

She said, Yeah Mummy I know

Apparently Miss 4 had showed her how to do it

And they were getting their jollys by taking turns to freak-the-fuck out of the teenage lifeguard

I’m starting to get a sense  that Miss 6 & Miss 4′s teenage years might not be the trouble-free-bonding-chick-flick-filled-laugh-a-minute joyride I was planning on

In fact, I’m ‘sensing’, their idea of fun & playing pranks might just turn those years into a fucking nightmare

Which is why I’m so grateful they have dual citizenship

And their Nanna & Poppy have a spare room

Buh bye!

I was born in Kalgoorlie

It’s where my brother was born

And my Mum was born

Dad?

Most people think he was born in Kal too

But as his autobiography, which comes out later this year, will tell you

He was actually born in Sydney

So it would seem that the ‘normal’ ones in our family come from Kal

And the fucktard Dad is from Sydney

Back when we lived there it didn’t have any traffic lights

Or big box stores

Now it has everything, McDonalds, KFC, Kmart, you name it

It also still has a lot of what makes Kalgoorlie famous

Because it’s in an area known as the Goldfields

You’d be safe to assume that it’s fame comes from gold

Which, technically is right:

The discovery of gold by Paddy Hannan in 1893 led to one of Australia’s great gold rushes. Since then Kalgoorlie-Boulder has developed into a major service hub for Western Australia’s active resource industry. Dominated by magnificent historic architecture, Hannan and Burt Streets provide a focus for modern cafés, restaurants and accommodation, hotels, clubs and watering holes.

The huge KCGM Super Pit stretches along the eastern flank of the twin City, pointing north toward the Australian Prospectors and Miners Hall of Fame – a showcase of the mining industry. Surrounded by beautiful forest, the golden City boasts colourful characters and culture, world class sporting and indoor swimming facilities, traditional two-up games, and the famous Race Round.

It is also home to the largest number of pubs per square kilometre in Australia. 1 pub for every 1,000 residents why de we ever leave?

But what the above info about Kalgoorlie fails to mention

And I can’t imagine why

Is what a lot of Aussies REALLY know Kalgoorlie for

And that, is the ‘knock shops’

Massage parlors, whore houses, whatever name you want to use

Kalgoorlie has shitloads of them

They’re all in a row, side by side in Lay Hay Street

As you can imagine, with a massive influx of horny strapping miners back when the first goldrush took place

There became a ‘demand’ for the services of such establishments

And Kalgoorlie remains, to this day, one of the only areas in the country

Where prostitution is legal

The brothels are also a huge tourist attraction

They take tour groups through and show them the cummings & goings ‘ropes’, so to speak

I had a private tour a few years ago at Langtrees on the strip

And the ‘private’ tour wasn’t because I went to the local Catholic school with some of the girls that work there

No, it was because of Dad

And not because he used to be a regular customer I don’t think

It was because along with all the ‘themed’ rooms as Langtrees

Bondage, sport, Asian, Romance

There is a Kevin Bloody Wilson room

I shit you not

Being one of Kalgoorlie’s most successful exports led the folks at Langtrees to ask Dad if he wanted to design his own ‘themed’ room there

He, of course, said yes

The result?

Is the Kevin Bloody Wilson WANK TANK

It’s a small shed like room out the back

For the ‘SOLO’ traveler

A perfect little treat for budget conscious – who can’t afford a ‘companion’ on their visit

Or for those who are just chronic masturbators

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