happy father’s day

(for my U.S. & U.K. mates – the Aussies have to wait until September)

Ok, so last Sunday I put a post on Facebook saying, “Happy Father’s Day to all the Dad’s in the US “
And being the genius I’m obviously not, I deleted it
Because it’s today 
I was a week early 
Go me! 
I went shopping with the girls before I left 
So they have all their gifts for Diamond sorted out 
Cute little homemade cards to go with it too , which he’s going to love 
We took extra care to hide the presents really well 
We needed them to be somewhere he wouldn’t find them 
Because yes, he would totally go looking for them 
And they also had to be hidden somewhere that the girls would remember, and be able to get to 
So the top of my closet wasn’t going to work 
We decided that under Miss 4’s bed was the best bet 
They would remember that spot, and be able to access it easily 
Plus under Miss 6’s bed is full of biology books she bought at a garage sale?!? 
Apprently the access was too easy 
Cause on Skype this morning, the ever efficient and always on top of things, Miss 6, was near meltdown 
Mummy, Daddy’s presents are gone!
Are you sure?
Yes. The only thing under the bed is dust & Fluffy’s dog bowl”
(I’m not even going to speculate why the dog’s bowl is under the bed – because the dog is too big to go up the stairs, let alone in the bedrooms and UNDER the bed)
Can you go get Daddy for me? 
I’m thinking Diamond has been a shit decided that he could’t wait for his World’s Best Daddy trophy

So I asked him, did you get your presents out from under the bed? 
What presents? 
Dude, your Father’s Day ones. We hid them, and now they’re gone 
I didn’t take them 
Truth. But only ’cause I couldn’t find them
(Told you he’d look!)
Well they’re gone. And you know what that means? 
Shit, yes I do 
Yep, the little thief strikes again 
The little thief being Miss 4 
Remember the telephone incident?? and what fun that wasn’t
Yeah, well she’s shown no signs of curbing her enthusiasm for ‘borrowing’ shit that’s not hers 
Now she’s moved onto prewrapped tacky gifts for grown men 
She comes over to the computer 
I look her straight in eye and asked her if she took them 
And she puts her face right up to the screen, and says, took what Mummy? 
But then she smirks
Just a little one, but it’s enough to prove to me that she did take it 
She is incapable of taking anything seriously
It’s actually a pretty cool quality in a kid 
I’m counting on chilbirth to burst that, ‘everything is a joke-ha-ha’ bubble for her one day
For now, it makes her pretty much always happy & joking around
She also happens to be an exceptional liar 
I’m talking really fucking good 
Well, I have no idea where they might be, I said 
The tree house? 
The toilet? 
The bottom of the pool? 
Forever the optimist, Diamond says, it’s OK they’ll show up somewhere 
It won’t matter to him if he gets his gifts or not 
He’s spending his Daddy’s Day with his girls 
They’re going swimming 
Then on a picnic
And now with a treasure hunt thrown in for good measure 
Happy Father’s Day dudes!!

One comment

  1. Oh goodness… the teenage years are almost gonna be as much fun for you as for me. Oy!

    Happy Dad’s Day Diamond …(alliteration central today!)
    Great attitude BTW. Mr I is not so lenient in the ‘you lost my present?’ department!

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