The kids have this week off school, which is awesome

I know some people are like, ugh…school holidays…bastard-damn-shit.

Not me

I miss them when they’re at school – so having them around every day makes my heart smile

Diamond & I are headed off to parent teacher conferences today

Macaroni & Magoo have both been doing amazing, so it will be nothing like the parent/teacher conferences MY parents had to endure

“….Mr & Mrs Wilson…your daughter…well..umm…where do we start?”

And the shit just went downhill from there

The only worry Diamond & I have is that WE don’t fuck it up for our kids

I’ll be on my BEST behaviour

Yep, sober AND wearing a bra

While I miss THEM, they couldn’t give a rat’s the girls miss EACH OTHER big time,  when they’re at school

They’ve been up since 5:30am because they’ve yet to realise that Mummy is nocturnal which is the time they get up every day, no matter what

So far today it’s been all about imagine-y type games. Most of those involve taking every toy they own, into another room, and rearranging shit. Now that they’re big enough to clean it up (with a little help from me) I’m like, go for it. Have fun…
P-L-A-Y! It’s better than watching TV or playing on a computer

Today’s game is called pop stars

Now keep in mind that they think Poppy & I are pop singers. They reckon that we are both like Miley Cyrus – but when we’re at work, we’re Hannnah Montanna

For adults

The fuck..?….okee-dokee then

They’ve yet to hear ANY of my stuff

I let them listen to some of the pop stuff on the radio – but they wouldn’t know what any of the singers look like

So imagine my surprise when Macaroni dressed Magoo as the pop star today

And called her BRITNEY TALIA

Considering they wouldn’t know a pop star if they fell over one

The accuracy is uncanny

Please forgive me for the eleventy-hundred pics in this post

Or don’t

I just wanted sufficient documentation

Proof, if you like

That the Australian Prime Minister, Julia Gilliard, is a hussy

You see, U.S. President, Barack Obama, just did a whirlwind visit to Oz

And in that time

Our chief Fanta Pants, could not stay away from the poor dude

Like, followed his arse EVA-REE-WHERE

Giving him her best “yes big boy….the curtains DO match the carpet…let me show you” look

Trying to stick her tongue in his ear at every opportunity

I mean, the dude’s married to one of the hottest black women on the planet

With a set of biceps that would mangle old mango mutt up in a minute

No ranga, not even a powerful stupid one could stand a chance

I mean, Bazza’s kinda handsome and all

But geez Jules, you’ve got a hairdresser who the whole world knows is a raging poof fella of your own at home

You can’t have everything you want you know

You already fucked one powerful man

I think that might be enough now

Not that you’re going to listen to a voice of reason

Apparently once you’ve dreamed of having had Barack…you can’t go back

Slut.

This is Lindsay Lohan

Or should I say, was

This, is Lindsay Lohan now

Umm…’scuse me

But where in the dental handbook does it say meth mouth this look is cool?

I think somebody needs to start showing Miss Lohan some before & after ‘crack’ photos

Give her a bit of a glimpse into her future if she doesn’t get her shit together

Girls got so much natural talent that is just being boozed, binged and snorted away

It’s never too late, right?

If you went to a public toilet

How many of you would use this?

I mean if it was in a gay bar there’d be a line to use it

With a big jar of vaseline so no one gets hurt

I don’t reckon I could

Seriously, it’s too lifelike for me

There’s even hair on it

Or maybe I’ve been looking at it too closely *ahem*

Yeah…nah

I’d have to go without

Faced with this

I’d rather drip dry

*thanks Brett*