The drive to Fielding today was spec-tac-u-lar!!

With some of the best scenery we’ve seen so far this tour

And not just because I was actually awake for this car trip

My jaw wasn’t just dropping from the postcard views out my window either

The conversation inside the car was pretty mind blowing too

Yeah, she’s back with a vengeance

Mum: Wow, look at all the windmills…they are everywhere!

Dad: It’s a good thing

Mum: What are they used for anyway? Is it for electricity or something?

Dad: What, are you stupid? Everyone knows what windmills are for

I thought that’s what they were for too – but then I saw Dad’s face in the rear view mirror and realised he was totally fucking with her

It’s one of our favourite things to do on tour

Mum: I thought it was like an environmental thing, you know to save power and stuff

Dad: Jesus, everyone knows what windmills are for

They’re to create a sea breeze Betty, a SEA BREEZE

 

Mum: Oh, well now I know then too don’t I?

Fark!

I have definitely inherited Mum’s brains

‘Cause Dad still has his

It been a while since she last shared a pearler with us

But never fear, she’s back

Over dinner tonight:

Me: I heard Def Leppard are coming to Australia

Mum: Why would anyone want to go and see someone called Deaf Leper?

Me: DEF LEPPARD!

Mum: Whatever…I heard he’s not very good anyway

And speaking of not very good, have you seen that new movie?

Me: Which movie?

Mum: The one with that Itlalian girl…umm…what’s her name..??

Me: What’s the movie called ?

Mum: Umm…oh yeah…Grey Goose?

Me: I haven’t heard about that one

Mum: It has that skinny little girl in it….Natalie Portafino

Me: Do you mean Natalie Portman?

Mum: Yes! That’s her….did you see it? It’s very weird

Me: I think you mean Black Swan Mum.

Feel free to send help.

Two years ago, when we last toured New Zealand

Mum & I were looking for something to do on our day off

This time, I won’t be so fucking stupid I’m letting Mum pick the activity

In Australia today, the biggest horserace of the year takes place

The Melbourne Cup

It’s known as “the race that sops a nation”

And it really does

People all over the country stop work for the race

I remember at school we’d get to watch it on TV

Lots of people dress up for it, in their fanciest duds, at racetracks across the country

It’s a very prestigious event, and attracts entrants from all over the globe

Even my mother-in-law in Chicago, a die hard horse racing fan

Knows ALL about the Melbourne Cup

And will no doubt be having a bet on the big race

We’ll be halfway between Ulladulla & Canberra when the race is on

But that’s OK, we’re still going to get in the spirit

The great Aussie tradition of ‘having a flutter on the nags’ is alive and well on the road today

Mum, whose family has always been into horse racing and betting

Has given herself the role of bookie for the day

I think SHARK might be a better term for her

I was barely awake this morning and she’s hitting me up for money

Getting me to draw the names & which horses we get

There’s 6 of us on the road – and 24 horses in the race

4 horses each

Except one’s already been scratched from the race, and she wouldn’t tell us which one

Her words, “…if you get that horse, tough shit”

So I don’t even have to tell you who ended up with that horse

Yeah OK, it was me

Fuck

Thanks for that

I think she’s been watching too much Sopranos

So we’re all set

I’ll let you know how it goes

Hopefully one of my horses will be first across the line

If not I might need to borrow some cash

Or maybe just a place to stay and hideout for a while

Where  the Mafia boss can’t find me

UPDATE: Guess who won? Go on….guess! Who wrote out all the names? Who put them all in the envelope?

Well done Mum, you mobbed up Mama!!