Our week in Japan for MateRock went so fast, and was full-on times a bazillion. I didn’t get time to blog on the trip, because I was lazy and drunk a lot so I’m going to break it down over a few blogs, before I forget everything…

And yes it was

Surrounded by mountains in every direction

We decided to enjoy the view from the comfort of a paddle boat

Disguised as a pink gorilla

That’s how the classy tourists roll

We kept out distance from the others

Only because the one time we ventured close to their game or water-rugby-played-on-floating-pontoons

We got splashed big time and ended up with wet bums

Boys are such arseholes so silly sometimes

Then we felt a bit sorry for Dad

He had been in the toilet for over an hour and missed out on coming out on our ride

So we paddled back to him and offered him a ride in our homosexual Magilla Gorilla

He declined, homophobe

And opted for a phallic symbol canoe instead

There a fewer things that look more wrong than Dad, in a canoe, on a lake in Japan, rowing himself around in circles

But even more entertaining?

His dismount

Which started with a bit or reverse parking

And backseat driving from Mum

I could’ve helped them

But wanted to make sure I had the camera ready to go in case either one of them landed in the drink

Which is exactly what they’d do to me were the situation reversed

All together now….We. Are. fucked in the head Family.

Poor little pet had quite the sweat going on once he got to dry land

But wait, there’s more….but not yet ’cause I need to restring my guitars. Or find someone I can pay to do it for me.

So we stopped for ice-cream today

We’ve actually stopped for ice-cream every day this tour

It’s Dad’s favourite food any time

But in New Zealand, where they make THE best ice-cream in the world?

It’s become a daily part of his diet

Hokey Pokey is the official flavor for this tour

Mum & I don’t usually join in the ice-cream-after-brekky ritual

Yes, Dad’s holding two cones today

What are you, a detective?

I said we don’t USUALLY

Mum said ‘no thanks’ today

But offered to hold Dad’s for him while he buckled up his seat belt

Then she proceeded to eat half of it

While I was waiting for Dad in the car

I was wondering how to pronounce the town name, MATATA

Was it like Matata, as in “Hakuna Matata” from the Lion King

Or like matata, as in “My bra strap is busted and now ‘my ta-tas‘ are swinging in the breeze”?

These are the things that keep me awake at night

So I look out the window

At another speccy NZ view

Then I see this

See it?

Look closer

Squint at the screen, that should help

Allow me to you use the crappy zoom on my baby camera

Got it now?

Dudes, that is totally the Loch Ness Monster

Or some old tyres thrown in the lake

No wonder they can’t find the fucker in Scotland

Dad’s up the front driving

I’m in back sulking because he wouldn’t stop here for brekky

And Mum’s in her seat icing up her knuckles

So yeah, just your typical day out here on the road

Mum and Dad went to Vegas for a few days after the Chicago show

He sent me pics from the trip

That had me worrying that he was looking for a new wife

Or a career change

He came back with Mum, so that was a relief

Can’t imagine calling any of these fine feathered females ‘Mama’

And Dad in an Elvis jumpsuit?

Yeah, no

Maybe he was trying to look like Elvis

‘Cause Mum’s always had a bit of a wet spot for the King

They don’t have much down time in a year

So it was awesome that they were able to just chill out & have fun for a few days

AND….. brought us all back cool gifts

Which is the main thing.