being a cheeky shit pays off

Most of you would be aware that I’m a tech head

Not in the, ‘I know what I’m talking about’ sense

More like the, ‘I just like shiny gadgets with buttons’ sense

And if I can get them to work, even a little bit, I’m happy

I have no doubt I get this from Dad

He’s been a gadget junky since I can remember

He had one of the first mobile phones

You know, the ones the size of a small house?

He was the first Aussie entertainer to have his own website

And these days, he’s quite the Mac head

Loving his Macbook laptop

iPhone – and anything else Apple brings out

Needless to say, he cracked a poopy wasΒ quite miffed when he realised that my iPhone was newer than his

Not a great difference between them

Mine may be a little faster – and I can video with it

So he’s all, ‘I want a new one too’

I told him to stop whining just go get one

‘You wanna come with me?, he asked with his bestest, cheekiest grin?’

Just to let you know that Dad doesn’t like doing ANYTHING on his own

Eating, driving, shopping, walking

He likes to have company

And usually it’s good to keep him supervised

But still, impulse reaction to going to any sort of retail outlet with Dad is,

Oh hell-to-the-NO!

This reaction is not without justification

This is the man, who when not served in a timely manner, will stand in the middle of the store and yell, ‘who do I have to fuck to get served in this place?’

Funny I know

But not when your standing right next to him

But worse than that – phone shopping could turn out to be an added nightmare

Keep in mind that one of Dad’s most popular songs, ever, is called DICTAPHONE

And it’s about bad service from phone companies

And he wrote it about the very phone company we were going to

The big sing-a-long line in said song is, ‘Stick that fucking phone – up your fucking arse!’

So as we walked into the shop I’m mumbling non-stop under my breath, ‘please nobody recognise him – PLEASE nobody recognise him’

‘Cause all it would take is one person to walk up and say, ‘Hey, aren’t you….?’

And then, ‘You wrote a song about this mob didn’t ya Kev? How does it go again?’

And he’d be off

Singing, getting everyone to join in

And we’d get kicked out

As has happened too many times to count on odd occasion


Well, my inner dialogue must have worked

Because no one said anything

You bloody beauty

He got his new phone

Mum got one too which she didn’t even want but Dad said she had to if she wanted to hang out withthe cool kids

And everyone was happy

Until he lost his wallet 10 minutes later at the food hall

You can’t take that kid ANYWHERE!

And after Mum & Dad finished with the, ‘you had it – no YOU had it – no I gave it to YOU’ banter back & forth that old married couples do

We went back to the food hall

And his wallet had been handed in by someone who found it on the floor

And the kicker?

All his credit cards & ALL his cash were still in there


How unbelievable is that?

So there ARE advantages to being a shit head trouble maker

I’ve no doubt that whoever found his wallet took one look at the driver’s license

And thought, ‘oh shit, this is Kev’s?

‘Not worth the fucking trouble’

And gave it straight back

One comment

  1. I have a phone with a camera…I have never used!!! I’m a Technomoron…My son loves his…It looks like yours! πŸ™‚

    How nice that there are still a few HONEST people left in this World! Always a great thing to hear. Maybe next Christmas you can get Dad a chain to attach to his wallet and his belt loop.

    Personally, if I were the manufacturer, I’d make ’em with a wallet clip and a cockring…they never seem to forget where that is.

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