After nearly 10 years being based in the U.S

I still get asked daily where I’m from

And it totally doesn’t bother me

Really, it doesn’t

I like telling people I’m from Australia

And I’ve never had anything but nice things said back to me

I’ve always wanted to go there

Is that a long flight?

I hear it’s beautiful there

The people are supposed to be the happiest in the world there

I have an (insert family member) that lives there

You get the idea

People are interested

I feel lucky to come from a country that has such a positive reputation, wherever I go

.

I was 18 the first time I ever visited the States, and I remember people’s questions were different back then

Do you know Crocodile Dundee?

Is Crocodile Dundee a real person?

Where does Crocodile Dundee live?

You get the idea

The Crocodile Dundee movie was some people’s only idea of Australia and Australians years ago

That’s changed a lot over the years

Travel has changed, and a lot more people have been to Australia

Australia is more known to the rest of the world now

You can always Aussie content on TV here now

Aussie sport

And there’s a bazilloin Aussie actors working over here now

In movies & TV

Nicole Kidman, Russell Crow, Naomi Watts, Rachel Griffiths, Simon Baker and so many more that I can’t think of

There’s Aussies kicking goals in the music industry too

Keith Urban, Jet, The Veronicas

One day, when I pull my finger out the touring slows down, I’d like to do more shows over here

Let them know what a REAL Aussie sheila is like

The only Australian comedian I can think of that’s done well here is Dame Edna

She’s pretty popular

So it’s good knowing that in America at least, Australians are doing well, and our country is known for more than Crocodile Dundee these days

I will continue my (self appointed) role of cultural ambassador

It’s fun

Today’s example – a conversation with Miss 6′s school Principal when I dropped her off this morning

Principal: I just love your accent

Is it Australian?

Now days people nearly always guess my accent correctly. They used to always think I was English or Irish

Me: Yep, I’m Australian

Principal: How exciting!

Do you know the Crocodile Hunter?

Oh fuck, here we go again

Me: Do you mean Crocodile Dundee?

Principal: No, I mean the Crocodile Hunter

Steve Irwin

Me: Know him?

He’s my brother!

She cocks her head to the side and gives me this are you fucking nuts sad look

Principal: I’m so sorry for your loss

Me: Umm….yeah, well…..thanks

I walked off thinking she was a nutjob wondering what she was on about

Then I remembered

And felt like a total arsehole

.

.

I thought I was being funny

And I’d totally forgotten that the dude was dead

.

Ahh fuck

Maybe it’s time to get a new ambassador

I’m a fan of makeup

I don’t wear a huge amount of it in the real world

But when I’m at work?

I’m a fan of the transvestite hooker look

Less is more?

Fuck that

More is more

I’m all about the lip gloss, blue eyeshadow, glitter and bright slutty lipstick

I’m forever searching for new shades of tart kinds of makeup

I always use waterproof stuff, ’cause I sweat big time on stage

Like Kirsty Alley at a buffet table kind of sweat

And even with all the waterproof crap I layer on

Some nights I still end up looking like Alice Cooper

After he’s been fucked all night and hung out wet

And lipstick?

Oh fuck, I should have shares in Revlon with all the shit I’ve bought from them over the years

I’m forever looking for a liptstick that stays on, without me ending up looking like a chain smoking 90 year old, with that smudgy-lip look going on

.

So, imagine my utter JOY at finding this stuff

Not just Colourstay

Colourstay ULTIMATE – all together now, ooooooooh!

Oh yeah, I’ll take 2 in every colour

And you know what

It works

It really fucking works

There’s a first time for everything

I mean, these makeup companies can stretch the truth at times yeah?

Think if some of those ads you’ve seen

In the real world, half the women they use are passable at best

But on the ads?

Man, even I’d jump the fence for some of those chicks

They turn out looking HOT!

This new Revlon Colourstay lippy is THE BOMB

No joke

After the show tonight, it was still on, like I’d just applied it

Not even a smudge

But

And there’s always a but

Now I can’t get the shit off

MY MOTHERFUCKING TEEEEEETH!!

This shit is COLOUR FUCKING STAYING!

Good look, no?

All I can say is thank God for days off

‘Cause it’s going to take me the next 24 hours to get this crap off

Hey Revlon,

Fuck you very much!