There’s a lot of jobs out there I’d love to have a go at

It’ll never happen

And not because I’m too old or dumb don’t have the education

Just ’cause I’m so busy, you know?

Jobs like, trophy chick at the oscars – ’cause you’d meet cool people and show of your rockin’ bod in a flash dress

Crocodile hunter – ’cause I look cute in khaki and can say fuck shit mother fucker CRIKEY really well

Helicopter pilot – so when I went to visit people, I’d just land on their roof. Bugger the driveway

Starbucks person – doesn’t really matter which person, as long as I get a starbucks tshirt, hat & free coffee

Minister for Immigration – ’cause I’m pretty sure the dickwad doing the job now doesn’t speak for me and is an academic arsewipe

Author – I’d write children’s books, and illustrate them  myself too, cause I am the shit at drawing stick figures

The person who keeps Beyonce’s boobs from falling out – ’cause that is an artform. I watch that girl get all up in her bootilicious-ness and can’t believe that it’s just double sided tape telling her funbags to stay put

And there’s a lot of other jobs I’d like to try too

But the one I could never do?

.

A veterinarian

Who has to deal with 124 pound fur balls

With ear infections

And they have to stick stuff in the dog’s ear

To get this cack out

With NO GLOVES ON

And then when the dog tries to bite her – ’cause she’s got half her arm buried in the side of his head

She’s all, ooooh sweety, don’t be scared

And I’m thinking, scared? Lady, he’s about to bite your face off. You’re hurting him

But she keeps plodding away

Getting all the gunk out

Then she gives him some medicine – and some for me to take home for him

Gives us some instructions

And sends us on our way

But not before trying to shake my hand

EEEWWW!

So I’ve taken my hat off to a few people this week

Jessica Watson

And parents of sick kids

And now crazy people who do shit to my dog that I would NEVER do vets

I think I’ll stick to what I know

Which is drinkin’ bitchin’ and singin’!

So let me preface this by acknowledging that I’m fully aware that I’m a dumb-arse

An idiot

Glutton for punishment

And a sucker

OK?

Good

So anyway, we went looking at puppies!!

We decided that we’re fucking nuts that maybe Fluffy needed a friend

A sister maybe

Kind of like how we were when Miss 6 was little

And we decided to try and give her a sibling

And we ended up with Miss 4

No one gets hit by lightening twice, right?

.

Anyhooo

We knew we didn’t want a small dog that Fluff would squash

Or a yappy dog that I would kill

And we wanted a girl this time

And we knew we wanted to get it from a shelter

A rescue dog

No more million dollar puppies from the pet store for us suckers

And while we found a lot of shelters that had Great Pyrenees dogs

None had puppies

And we really want one we can train from the beginning

Like we sucked at did with Fluffy

So we didn’t find any pure Great Pyr pups

But we did find this one

Her name is SLUSHY

Which we would have to change, because we’re obviously a family that would insist on a REALLY cool, tough name

Like Fluffy *ahem*

Anyhoo

Slushy is 11 weeks old

And she’s half Great Pyrenees

And are you ready for it???

And half Saint Bernard

You know, like those ones in the movies?

*Please go back and read first 4 lines*

As diamond said

We already have a house full of slobber & drool from him

And dog hair

How much difference can it make with a 2nd dog?

And I’m like, uh, how about DOUBLE the difference buttwad??

But realistically, the final call has to be Diamond’s

‘Cause when I’m on tour

He’ll be the one here with 2 kids and 2 horses dogs

.

So because Slushy is a rescue/shelter dog

We went out to the adoption show that was held yesterday

That we knew she’d be at

.

We got to hold her

Check her out

We took Fluffy with us so he could sniff her butt check her out too

Needless to say, we all fell in love with her

And wanted to take her home right then and there

But here’s the catch

We filled out adoption papers for her

And so did 10 other mother fuckers families!

So it turns out there’s other idiots out there who want a ginormous pet too

.

And now we wait

For the ‘powers that be’ to go over our application

And decide where the best home for Slushy would be

And no, I didn’t know this is how it all would go down

But I’m a dork, and I didn’t check out everything completely beforehand

I just thought, we’d see her, and if we loved her, we’d get to have her

Way to break your kid’s hearts go ME!

So now I have 3 babies 2 little girls who have been asking me non-stop, ALL DAY

Did they ring?

Did they pick us?

Do we get to keep Slushy?

Does Fluffy get a sister?

And while it’s doing my head in a bit

I’m as anxious as they are