I’ve wanted an iphone forever

Since they first came out

Have held off getting one mainly because I wanted one phone to use everywhere I went

Not like I do now

I have one phone for Oz, one for the UK, one for NZ etc

You get the picture

To have one phone and have it on roaming all over the world would require me to remortgage my house see my phone bills skyrocket

I could always get one iphone for each country 

But I haven’t even gotten around to updating my contacts in my one main phone, let alone do it for 3 or 4 of the fuckers

So while I’ve held off getting my own iphone until there’s a package that suits my needs

My parents who obviously don’t love me at all went ahead and totally rubbed my face in it got themselves brand-spanking-new iphones

BASTARDS!

To add insult to injury – they keep asking ME questions about it

how do I turn it on?

what does this button do?

I tried not talking to them – they wore me down with chocolate

I tried staying at a different hotel – they found me 

I tried getting my own car to travel in – they took the keys

I don’t think they understand just how pissed off I am about this my hurt

I bought them into the MAC world

I taught them email, skype, facebook

I am the one that shows up with the newest, shiniest gadgets

And now they’re even rubbing it in my face

Mum in the car:

Can I read one of your magazines even though I have an iphone and you don’t?

Dad before last nights show:

I won’t bother putting you in my address book until you get an iphone too. My iphone doesn’t want to be seen calling your crappy little prepaid phone that DOESN’T EVEN HAVE INTERNET

I’m healing slowly

Made easier by one of our recent motel stays

Where there was no internet OR cell phone reception

So everybody was equally fucked, no matter what phone you had or didn’t have

Although I think the fact that I killed 2 cockroaches in my room (only ’cause there wasn’t enough room for the 3 of us in there) and had a cold shower, made my room suck a little more. Note – there’s always 1% of the hotels that totally suck. The rest, like today’s, are awesome. Happy to have the 1% out of the way for this trip

Where was I?

Oh yeah – Karma is a bitch

Dad had his phone less than 24 hours when he left it here

On the floor of the restaurant where we had lunch

He left without it

Went into the jewelry shop next door ’cause he’s a poof to buy a new watchband

I went in after him and asked if I could look at his phone for a minute

He patted down his pockets looking for it

And looked like he was going to cry

Until I started laughing at him and told him where it was 

And how I didn’t pick it up but totally took a photo of it

And then he does this

No fucking respect I tell ya

** note to my parents – at least when I DO get my iphone it will be NEWER and SHINER than yours and will be able to do WAY more stuff

I have numerous pet peeves cause I’m a nutjob

One of my biggest is kids with bad manners

You know what I mean

Arsehole kids

I’m doing my best and some days failing miserably to instill at least a semblance of politeness into my girls

Some days are better than others

I was just thinking about a day last week

That I would have so earned me a FAIL from the manners police

It wasn’t really my FAIL because nothing is EVER my fault – but I am the breeder parent, so I’ll take one for the team 

So, Miss 3 was at the dinner table and she let loose a deafening fart

That smelt like an 88 year old drunk man with a serious brussel sprouts habit

Then she looks at me with her mouth full of food that she proceeds to spit it all over me as she burps and says

I know I’m supposed to say ‘scuse me when I do a stinky pop-pop

But I can’t ’cause I’ve got my mouth full

And that’s not right manners hey mum?

 

So yeah, I let her off on a technicality

So in today’s random crap blog

We’ll start with 

This dude

Preaching to absolutely no one the passing pedestrians on the streets of Melbourne

Seriously mate, no one gives a fuck cares

And I’m not about to change my status as a recovering Catholic get my daily dose of GOD from you

You’re not the kind of life coach I’m looking for buddy

I’d love to know his success rate

I’m guessing it’s fuck all pretty low

In happier news

We had this bloke

Who was fun and entertaining

And I walked away grateful that I only lug a guitar around

This busker has a PIANO to take to work 

He must have some serious muscle under that hat

In smellier news

I had vegetarian lasagna for lunch

This guys taxi totally smelt like a curried egg FART

And for a daily dose of wacky tourists 

Check out this couple

In downtown Melbourne (on a Tuesday?) in their finest wedding attire

That they bought from Cyndi Lauper & Rick Springfield

And lastly

We’ve trained Fluffy how to use Skype

Now if we could only train him to stop eating his own shit

What a great ad!

Is this kid available for adoption?