Hey Mum

What’s this thing for?

I found it in your room, in your undies drawer

It’s like a big silver bullet all shiny and new

How does it work mum what does it do?

Love to see the gun that goes with this

Bet it’s a huge to use bullets this big

Oh look, it wiggles round and round

Can’t wait to show Daddy what I found

Hey Mum

Hey Mum

I found some other stuff too

Are all those toys just for Daddy and you?

You always tell us kids to share

So why do you hide them, that’s not fair

Hey Mum

I found these red undies in there mum

But there’s bit missing they don’t have a bum

What if you got in an accident, that’s what you always say

I’ll just use them as a slingshot, that’d be great

Hey Mum

Hey Mum who’s this school uniform for?

You’re a big girl now so it can’t yours

Is it for me, for when I get bigger?

I never had a uniform made out of leather

Hey Mum

Hey Mum can I use these handcuffs?

You know I wanna be a policeman when I grow up

I could practice using them on the kids at school

For show and tell mum – cool

Hey Mum

Hey Mum look what I got

It’s a movie and everyone’s covered in snot

The lady on the cover’s got it all over her face

Err gross, how must that taste

Hey Mum?

Hey Mum do you feel OK?
Your face is all red and your eyes are all glazed

Are mad? I didn’t break anything

Here ya are, have back your balls on a string

Hey Mum

There ya go mum drink your cup of tea

I’ve put everything back nice and neat

I won’t play with your toys, I’ll leave them alone

When I’m a big girl I’ll get some toys of my own – Hey Mum!

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