I don’t mind getting up at 3:30am to go to the toilet
But the not-being-able-to-get-back-to-sleep afterwards?
Sucks balls
Big, hairy, lumberjack, balls
It’s not like I’m not tired
It’s not like I don’t love to sleep
I remember a time when I could wake up in the middle of the night
Wee
Fall back into bed
And sleep for hours
Without opening my eyes once
The whole, you-don’t-need-as-much-sleep once you get older
Is it true?
I think it should be you-don’t-GET-as-much-sleep once you get older
‘Cause I’m pretty sure I could sleep 10 hours straight if given the chance
So waking up early, what’s that called?
Besides fucking stupid
It’s not insomnia, ’cause I’ve already had 4 hours sleep, right?
Narcolepsy?
*checks google*
a sleep disorder that causes excessive sleepiness and frequent daytime sleep attacks
Sleep attacks?
I’ve been attacked IN my sleep
Mainly by midgets that call me Mummy that need hugs after a bad dream who then show their gratitude by falling asleep sideways in between Diamond & I, leaving a trail of bruised ribs and snot in their wake
What’s that other ‘N’ word?
Oh yeah, necrophillia
*back to google*
is the sexual attraction to corpses
Right then – pretty sure I don’t have THAT
Although I always had a bit of a tingly spot for Gary Coleman from Different Strokes, and he’s still dead, yeah?
.
So now that I’m wide awake
And have the Google page open for disorders that start with ‘N’
I’d like to share my gratitude for not having
Nyctophobia
a severe fear of darkness
Unless it’s like 9pm and the mall is closing
But that’s more a fear of getting kicked out of the shops before I find the shoes to match the dress that I’ll never wear but totally had to have ‘just in case’
.
Neurasthenia
Fatigue, anxiety, headaches. Americans were supposed to be particularly prone to neurasthenia, which resulted in the nickname, Americanitis
I think this would be better named ‘parenthood-itis’
Or ‘I-don’t-feel-like-sexy-time-itis’
.
Neglect Syndrome
example, a patient in a rehabilitation hospital may wake up in the morning and proceeds to shave his face – only to be told later that he has only shaved half of his face
I once was in such a hurry I only took care of ‘half’ my bikini line
But I prefer to refer to that incident as ‘accidental art’
.
Even though this one doesn’t start with ‘N’
It’s a bit weird, and therefor rates a mention
Genital Retraction Syndrome
the sufferer believes that his genitals (or breasts in the case of women sufferers) are shrinking, retracting in to the body, or may be removed entirely. It is often refered to as ‘penis panic’
I dated someone with this once
I called it little dick syndrome
You know the type girls – big car, big muscles, tiny todger.
Miss HIM
.
Relieved I don’t have any of those
Now I can sleep easy
Now is also a really good time for you to send me drugs
For medicinal purposes only
Or a Josh Groban CD
That shit will trigger a coma
