OK, not ALL new shows make me nervous

Most of them make me excited

Like some of the solo shows I have coming up

I start the NORTHERN TERRITORY shows in a couple of weeks

Heiny & I are going to do those shows Thelma & Louise style….AGAIN!

She’s never been to the Territory before

So 3 shows at Granites Mining Site where I’m going to find her a husband The first show there is at 7:30am….yes A-fucking-M! I think the first set could be classes as modern/interparative musings. Whereby the audience sits for 45 minutes, watching me sitting in my PJs, drinking coffee.

Then onto DARWIN (Humpty Doo) where our first stop will toady be HERE!

ALYANGULA (Groote Eylandt) there’s a saying…NO ROOTS ON GROOTE. Don’t tell Heiny, or she won’t come

And NHULUNBUY (Gove) you haven’t been to the Territory, unless you’ve been to Gove. I heart the place, big time

I just love trying to saying the names

Humpty Dooooooooo anyone?

 

Some more solo shows have been confirmed for September too

In a addition to GERALDTON, there’s now

KALGOORLIE (WA)

COLLIE (WA)

LANCELIN (WA)

And in Victoria, I’ll be heading to

BRIGHTON BEACH

SOUTH MORANG

And MULGRAVE

All the details are to the left in the tour dates column. Or you can see more on the complete gig page

I know there are some solo Sydney, and possibly Adelaide shows being finalised soon too

Will keep you posted

 

But right now my immediate focus is on a gig I just found out about this morning

That’s for next Monday

It’s the one I think I’m most nervous about

It’s only to a group of about 16

A private function I guess you could call it

They’ve asked me to keep it clean

I promised I would

It’s not something I would ever normally say yes to

But they asked so nicely

And then Magoo got in on the act

And gave me her never fail, puh-weeeease Mummy face

So I caved

I am now doing a show next week

For Magoo’s PRESCHOOL CLASS!

Magoo is excited beyond words

Well, not really ‘beyond’ words

‘Cause she hasn’t shut up

“….oh Mummy it going to be so gweat. They will wuv your singing so much. You can sing anything you want. Any song in the world Mummy…

…as long as it’s by Katy Perry”

 

 

 

You can see it in this picture

If you look closely

It’s much easier to spot in this one though

Still can’t see it?

Let’s use ‘pore cam’ then shall we?

See it now?

OK, how about ‘pore cam’ with a bigger grin

I KNOW you see it now

The great-giant-gap-of-grossness

You remember how it all went down, right? (CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T)

And some of the bullshit that’s happened since then CLICK HERE IF YOU DON’T KNOW THAT EITHER, ‘CAUSE WE’RE OBVIOUSLY STRANGERS)

So in keeping with my penchant for procrastinating

And because I’m going on tour tomorrow

Which is the start of lots back and forth-ing for the rest of the year

Making dentist visits hard to schedule and very easy to avoid

I figured I couldn’t put it off much longer

I went back to the dentist today to get the new tooth put in

Again

Quite the achievement since I had the original implant done in 2006

And have been fucking around with dentist visits, surgeries and cock ups since then

FIVE YEARS

And thoughts of big, scary looking whatever-the-fuck-this-is

Have helped me keep putting off the inevitable

So I put on my best patient face

Hardened up

And got it done

So I’m finally back to fully-full-on-face smilies

From the left AND RIGHT side now

It’s got me all motivated to keep on keeping on

Maybe some lipo?

Boob job?

I’m not sure if I the balls for that kinda stuff

I’m thinking I’ll just start small

Something subtle…

Like some 14K gold all up in my grills!!

To match my labia & nipple rings.

Anyone in Chicago knows it’s a big day today

A H-U-G-E day

It’s the big playoff football game between forever rivals

The Chicago Bears & The Green Bay Packers

If the Bears win this one, they’re going to the Superbowl

Which they haven’t won since 1985

That’s when this suberb video was made

So it’s kinda a big deal ’round these parts

Especially in our house

Both girls have their Bear’s jerseys on

We even got out our Bear’s bathtowels

With glitter on them? (oh Magoooo….)

Bear’s soap

Even the Fluffinator has to wear his Bear’s hat

Until he gets it off and eats it

The girls dress their toys up

Stick up homemade Bear’s decorations

We even crank out Diamond’s beloved Bear’s blanket

That was his Grandmas

And is older than him (which makes it pretty o-l-d)

We’ve got Bear’s deck chairs

Even though it’s a tad nippily to be outside sitting on anyone’s deck

I only have to look out our window to see our neighbours are getting in the spirit too

Diamond’s been wearing his jersey all year

But today’s the first day I’ve worn mine this year

So they’d better win

Or you KNOW who’s going to get the blame…

UPDATE: Bears lost. I’m burning the fucking shirt

A lot of you know that I was lucky enough to go to the Oprah Winfrey show a while back with my mate Ruby

(read about it here)

Well, I received an email a few weeks ago

Out of the blue

From a friend in Chicago, that I hadn’t seen in a few years

Asking if I had any friends or family in Australia that would be interested in going to the show when Oprah came to Sydney

Know anyone?

Like, only EVERYONE

My first thought was Mum & Sam

Who, every time they’ve come to visit me in Chicago

Have asked if we could go to the Oprah show

Nagged, begged, pleaded

Honestly? They’d been total pains in the arises about it

And I’d never been able to get tickets

So yeah, I would totally give these Sydney tickets to them

And shut them up

And quite possibly make their day, year & DECADE!

And then, when I found out the date of the show was December 14th

I was all, what is this fuckery?

I would actually BE in Sydney December 14th

It was the day I was flying back to Chicago

So I asked my mate in Chicago if would be at ALL possible to get THREE tickets to the show

As Dad says, if you don’t ask, you don’t get

I’m pretty sure he was talking about sex though

Anyhoo

She said NO PROBLEM!

Holy shit

This was going to be ALL shades of awesome

Mum and I flew into Sydney first thing Monday

As the tickets had to be picked up the day before the show

Just seeing the size and scope of the set up was unbelievable

Swat teams

Riot teams

Security coming out the WAZOOO

And like last time I went to the show, in Chicago

NO cameras on the big day

Fuck

But we WERE allowed to have our phones this time

Happy dance

Mum & I walked from our hotel down to the Opera house to get our tickets

No lines, no crowds

Very cool

Except there were only two tickets waiting for us

We tried not to panic, as the ladies handing out tickets told us everyone only gets allocated two tickets

But after checking around, and finding my name on another sheet, she confirmed that there was indeed 3 for us

Thank you Jesus

Or Oprah

(‘cause I’m pretty sure she’s more powerful)

We got our tickets

Stopped to have a quick bite to eat

So that we’d go straight back to our hotel

Have an early night

And be good-to-go for the show the next day

5 hours and three bottles of red later

The only thing guaranteed for the show the next day was a hella hangover

Mission accomplished

Part two is a comin’

After some su-leeeeeep!