Some people say that places like Mount Isa can be rough

And the people from here can be a bit rough around the edges too

Being from Kalgoorlie, places like the Isa feel like home to me

I’m a fan of people saying what they mean, and meaning what they say

Country towns like this are chock-full of funny bastards and cheeky characters

If you’re one of those polished city slickers with $200 haircuts & shoes that are shiny

I’m not sure you’d last too long in the Isa

In a world that’s top heavy with political correctness & everyone in a constant state of ‘watching what you say’ so as not to offend

Mt Isa is a breath of fresh air

Today when I was buying coffee, the young girl who took my order kept having to adjust her apron ’cause it was slipping off

Me: Must be nice to be that skinny that your clothes keep slipping off

Her: Yeah but it’s a bastard that I gotta do the fucker up so tight that it cuts into me bladder and I gotta piss every half an hour

Bet your local (city) coffee barrister doesn’t open up to YOU like that when you pick up your morning brew!

Then while I was waiting for the coffee at the end of the counter I couldn’t help overhearing the two ladies next to me sharing the details of their sex-apades last night

Lady 1: Well, was he good?

Lady 2: He was alright

Lady 1: I reckoned he’d be good when I seen him in the pub

Lady 2: He was alright

Lady 1: Why just alright?

Lady 2: Well it was good and shit, and we was having fun but then the arsehole went and pissed on me

Lady 1: He pissed on you?

Lady 2: Yep. And he didn’t even ask me first

You KNOW I had snot come out of my nose after hearing this. ‘Cause she wasn’t mad that her fella pissed on her. She was dark ’cause he didn’t ASK her first.

I told you you couldn’t make this shit up

Then Mum & I headed over to a little beautician to get our toenails painted. Because mine look like arse, plus I’m trying to take my mind off the fact that my laptop blew up yesterday. And I no I don’t want to talk about it. Warranty you ask? Why yes, I totally have one of those. Of course I do. It expired TWO FUCKING WEEKS AGO.

Anyhoo

At the beautician, the young nail technician was telling us that she had been to see the show last night

But after spending an hour in her company, I’ve decided she could have BEEN in the show

She was telling me how she’d just dropped her daughter at school and was approached by the Principal, who asked if she could please refrain from swearing so much

What a fucking bitch hey? Stupid slut telling me that I can’t fucking speak how I want to fucking speak. What’s the fucking world coming to hey?

And on the subject of her mother

What a fucking pisshead she is. Ask me to drop her down the pub and I go to pick up the old tart and she’s fucking legless already. I mean, for fuck’s sake Mum!

I left there pretty sure that we’re related

This town is just a fun place to be

It’s refreshing to be around people that don’t give a shit

And don’t know any other way than to just say what’s on their minds and tell it like it is

This weekend the Mt Isa rodeo is on

It’s the biggest rodeo in the Southern Hemisphere

The tourists and rodeo fans have been flooding in all week

I hope all the visiting cowboys appreciate just how unique this little place is

I already know that this is where I’m heading to when it’s time to write my next album

I think I’ll just head to the Isa when it’s time to write anything, full stop

You hang around here long enough

And the shit just writes itself

I don’t even care if this is true – it made me laugh my box off all day

January 07, 2010 -Johnstown, PA – Local and state police scoured the hills outside rural Johnstown, Pennsylvania, after reports of three animal rights activists going missing after attempting to protest the wearing of leather at a large motorcycle gang rally this weekend. Two others, previously reported missing, were discovered by fast food workers “duct taped inside several fast food restaurant dumpsters,” according to police officials.

“Something just went wrong,” said a still visibly shaken organizer of the protest.”Something just went horribly, horribly, wrong.”

The organizer said a group of concerned animal rights activist groups,”growing tired of throwing fake blood and shouting profanities at older women wearing leather or fur coats,” decided to protest the annual motorcycle club event “in a hope to show them our outrage at their wanton use of leather in their clothing and motor bike seats.”"In fact,” said the organizer,”motorcycle gangs are one of the biggest abusers of wearing leather, and we decided it was high time that we let them know that we disagree with them using it…ergo, they should stop.”

According to witnesses, protesters arrived at the event in a vintage 1960′s era Volkswagen van and began to pelt the gang members with balloons filled with red colored water, simulating blood, and shouting “you’re murderers” to passers by. This, evidently, is when the brouhaha began.

“They peed on me!!!” charged one activist.”They grabbed me, said I looked like I was French, started calling me `La Trene’, and duct taped me to a tree so they could pee on me all day!”

“I…I was trying to show my outrage at a man with a heavy leather jacket, and he…he didn’t even care. I called him a murderer, and all he said was,`You can’t prove that.’ Next thing I know he forced me to ride on the back of his motorcycle all day, and would not let me off, because his girl friend was out of town and I was almost a woman.”

Still others claimed they were forced to eat hamburgers and hot dogs under duress. Those who resisted were allegedly held down while several bikers “farted on their heads.”

Police officials declined comments on any leads or arrests due to the ongoing nature of the investigation, however, organizers for the motorcycle club rally expressed “surprise” at the allegations.

“That’s preposterous,” said one high-ranking member of the biker organizing committee.”We were having a party, and these people showed up and were very rude to us. They threw things at us, called us names, and tried to ruin the entire event. So, what did we do? We invited them to the party! What could be more friendly than that? You know, just because we are all members of motorcycle clubs does not mean we do not care about inclusiveness. Personally, I think it shows a lack of character for them to be saying such nasty things about us after we bent over backwards to make them feel welcome.”

When confronted with the allegations of force-feeding the activists meat, using them as ad hoc latrines, leaving them incapacitated in fast food restaurant dumpsters, and `farting on their heads,’ the organizer declined to comment in detail.”That’s just our secret handshake,” assured the organizer.

From 140mph.ning.com

Who knew Bikers were such funny fuckers?

I think I might just want to be one when I grow up

Got my outfit ready & I’m raring to GO BABY!