Just finished the soundcheck for tonight’s show

We’d been told earlier, that this area of land

Has the HIGHEST population (per square km) of reptiles

Yes, SNAKES and lizards ‘n shit

But mainly SNAKES

SNAKES that bite

Scaley fuckers that can KILL you

SSSNAAKES!!

Where was I?

Oh yeah, so where I am, right now

And where I’m sleeping tonight

Is home to more fucking snakes than ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

The fuck?

How come no one tells you this shit BEFORE you agree to the show

And then I see these dog-poo-picker-upper things each side of the stage

And assumed maybe they were for the dingo’s poo

‘Cause there’s bucket loads of those buggers out here too

But no, they’re there to pick up SNAKES

And put them in this

And no, I did NOT lift the lid to see if there was any in there

How could you even THINK that?

Gah, what is WRONG with you guys???

It’s like you WANT me to die.