Just finished the soundcheck for tonight’s show

We’d been told earlier, that this area of land

Has the HIGHEST population (per square km) of reptiles

Yes, SNAKES and lizards ‘n shit

But mainly SNAKES

SNAKES that bite

Scaley fuckers that can KILL you



Where was I?

Oh yeah, so where I am, right now

And where I’m sleeping tonight

Is home to more fucking snakes than ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD

The fuck?

How come no one tells you this shit BEFORE you agree to the show

And then I see these dog-poo-picker-upper things each side of the stage

And assumed maybe they were for the dingo’s poo

‘Cause there’s bucket loads of those buggers out here too

But no, they’re there to pick up SNAKES

And put them in this

And no, I did NOT lift the lid to see if there was any in there

How could you even THINK that?

Gah, what is WRONG with you guys???

It’s like you WANT me to die.


  1. Fucken hell, Jen, scarey stuff, huh? Luckily here in NZ, there’s no snakes! Growing up in Melbourne, when I think of the places us kids used to play in, there’s no way I would’ve let my kids/grandkids/great-grandkids play in them! Under the house, in the paddock over the creek, even the back yard. But having said that, the only snake I ever saw was a copperhead, already dead, that some kid had straddled over a street sign, and was chucking stones at it! Makes me edgy just thinking of the shit we got up to!

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