HEY LADY
By JENNY TALIA & KEVIN BLOODY WILSON
BOTH BARRELS MUSIC
I was having a good day up until then
Just come from the beauty shop feeling like a 10
Walking to me car passed an old pet store
Saw a rusty old birdcage hanging by the door
Inside that cage a decrepit cockatoo
Barely any feathers all wrinkled and blue
Poor old fella, so I went up to his cage
Scratched the back of his head and said, “G’day mate”
And he said ….
“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”
I swear that’s what he said, I nearly died
“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”
I’ve never been so insulted in all me life
So I stormed into the store red with rage
Bang, banged on the counter til the manager came
Told him bout the bird ‘n’ why I was pissed
And said, “Come outside and have a listen to this”
So I dragged him outside in front of that cage
Said, “Is this how a cockatoo’s supposed to behave?’
And as I scratched that cockatoo behind the head again
That cocky sorta smirked and then he said again
“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”
I swear that’s what he said, I nearly died
“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”
“See I told you that’s what he said – now he’s said it twice!”
The manager apologized and then he said
“I’m really sorry lady, it won’t happen again”
He took the cocky in his cage to the back of the store
Said “He’s a pretty clever learner, so I’ll teach him some more”
A week or so later went back to that store
And the manager said, “He don’t say that no more
“Just go on over and scratch the cockatoo’s head”
So I did, and you know wheat the cockatoo said?
“Hey lady – YOU KNOW!!!”
