I’d just hit me teens

And was still pretty green

‘Bout boys and the ways of the world

Full of questions and doubts

Trying to figure it out

Just what were the rules for a girl?

‘Cause a boy in my class

Got the courage to ask

If I’d go to the school dance with him

I blushed and said yes

Then what I did next

Was call up and asked all my friends

Should we touch on first dates?

And does that mean he likes me?

Should we go to first base?

Whatever that might be

And is it OK

To slip me hand in his pocket?

‘Cause I never felt a willy before

Or will he ask me to stop it? (DUH!)

It didn’t take long

To learn what’s going on

And just what makes a man tick

‘Cause when it comes to girls

They see the world

Through the eye of their dick

So at the end of the night

When it’s time to decide

Will I go home or go home with him

It’s all up to me

So what will it be

Will we both lose or both have a win?

Should I fuck on first dates?

Should I stay ‘til the morning?

Will I remember his name?

Was I just drunk and horny?

Would I see him again?

If he really likes me

But if he only rates less than an eight

Not fucking likely

So when I’m old grey

And I’ve seen better days

And me tits and arse start heading south

And the men in me life

Even worse state than I am

Plagued by the droop and the gout

Well I’d like to think

That some of me bits will

Still work as good as they do now

So when the men come a calling

Or get wheeled to me door

I’ll let ‘em in and the held ‘em out

Should I suck on first dates?

Might not be here tomorrow

So should I spit it out?

Or just gargle and swallow?

If he still gets it up

Then I’ll do the rest

I’ll just dim the lights and take out me teeth

And gum him to death

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