HEY LADY


By JENNY TALIA & KEVIN BLOODY WILSON
BOTH BARRELS MUSIC

I was having a good day up until then

Just come from the beauty shop feeling like a 10

Walking to me car passed an old pet store

Saw a rusty old birdcage hanging by the door

Inside that cage a decrepit cockatoo

Barely any feathers all wrinkled and blue

Poor old fella, so I went up to his cage

Scratched the back of his head and said, “G’day mate”

And he said ….

“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”

I swear that’s what he said, I nearly died

“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”

I’ve never been so insulted in all me life

So I stormed into the store red with rage

Bang, banged on the counter til the manager came

Told him bout the bird ‘n’ why I was pissed

And said, “Come outside and have a listen to this”

So I dragged him outside in front of that cage

Said, “Is this how a cockatoo’s supposed to behave?’

And as I scratched that cockatoo behind the head again

That cocky sorta smirked and then he said again

“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”

I swear that’s what he said, I nearly died

“Hey lady – you fucking ugly!”

“See I told you that’s what he said – now he’s said it twice!”

The manager apologized and then he said

“I’m really sorry lady, it won’t happen again”

He took the cocky in his cage to the back of the store

Said “He’s a pretty clever learner, so I’ll teach him some more”

A week or so later went back to that store

And the manager said, “He don’t say that no more

“Just go on over and scratch the cockatoo’s head”

So I did, and you know wheat the cockatoo said?

“Hey lady – YOU KNOW!!!”

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