forget me not

So I wrote on Dad’s facebook page yesterday

Do you miss me yet?
Do ya? Do ya?
Even just a widdle bit?

And he wrote on my page today

Who are you?

Now, I know you probably think that he’s just fucking with me messing around

And that we’re pretty weird writing on eachother’s facebook pages

Why not just call eachother?

I prefer Dad not to call, for two reasons

One: I’ve been living overseas for more than 10 years now, and Dad still can’t work out the time difference. Either that, or he just calls me at 4am on purpose

Two: He has trouble calling my number. I know, it’s pure fuckery isn’t it? I’ve put it in his phone for him, and yet he claims that a Mexican dude always answers when he rings. And I’m all like, Dad, there are NO Mexican dudes living at my house. Personally, I reckon it’s just probably Diamond fucking with him

Anyhoo, so when he writes ‘who are you’ on my facebook page, I’m pretty sure he’s not being funny

So I think I might call the local alzheimers home up the road, and see if I can put a deposit on a room for him

Hopefully they take short, eccentric, bearded, comedians that say fuck for a living

If they have a Subway and an ice cream shop close by, he’ll want to move in straight away

And the porn channel

He’s going to need that too

Oh yeah, and room for his brother Terry

Who I call Uncle Icebox

Why?
Because he’s made me since I was a kid – and when I finally asked him why recently, he told me it’s because he’s sooo cool

Yeah, and you think your family is fucked up ‘unique’?

Dad & Uncle Icebox should TOTALLY move in together