hit pic, feb 12, twenty twelve

I’m all about making life easier

Like, saving a trip to go buy wine

Remember wine bra? (hint: it’s wine. That goes IN your bra. Genius)

But if you’re unable to go to the toilet

Can’t take a piss ‘naturally’

And require a colostomy bag

I feel for you, I really do

But for fuck’s sake – would a pair of long pants kill you ?

update: Kim tells me it’s a catheter bag (not colostomy)…woops (still fucking gross though)

*thanks Anne

getting’ my hair did

I didn’t get a chance to get my hair did before I left home for this tour

You know, ’cause I was busy dying and shit

So while we’re in Melbourne

I’m heading to the hairdressers

I’m thinking of changing it up

But where to go for the inspiration?

Where do I find the latest looks?

What are the people on the street doing with their locks?

Once again, I go to the place where I always find the answers

The church of Walmart

And the absolute fucking champions that occupy their aisles

 

I’m not sure if I’m a fan of this fragile rock chemo look

But I do appreciate the sun protection the front porch of this ‘do’ would provide

Or how about a bowl cut?

Even if that bowl was more like a mushroom

That exploded and was only controlled by copious cans of aquanet

I think I’m after more of a ‘stage’ look though

Like a Bo Derek meets Cher at the National Dog Show type thing

But if sun protection is what you’re REALLY after

You can’t go pass an albino Elvis with a lid

A more natural look might be this

At one with nature sorta thing

And by nature, I’m talking a 60 year old bleached jellyfish

So many choices can leave me overwhelmed though

And sometimes I just think fuck it, I’ll wear a hat

What better than incorporating the hat with my other favourite thing?

old people Food!

Hot dog hats for all the cool kids please

But for a bit more pizzaz

I could go for a more Three Musketeers look

With heels, football socks, bifocals, fanny pack & trout pout

Then there’s always the let-your-tatas-flop-out-the-front-so-no-one-notices-what-the-fuck-is-going-on-with-your-hair

I’m a fan of that

All this looking and deciding what to do has left me nothing but exhausted

I might just chuck it up in a pony tail

And get a big ol’ back tatt

So you don’t even fucking notice

call me immature

But I just love these kind of photos

They’re from peopleofwalmart.com

Which is the perfect site to go and visit

If you want to see Lady GaGa’s mum doing her weekly shopping

Or if you want to laugh at the redneck fuglies your having a ‘not so cute day’

.

I found it made me feel like the hot mama I IS Miss World

After I’d been trying on swimsuits for my holiday

And I’m hoping that I find some of these bubble arsed specimens on the trip

To hang loose out with

And who knows, maybe we could be friends if I get wasted enough

.

Yeah, We could do what friends do

Like, ummm…. I dunno

Talk about our kids and trade parenting tips

And I could pass on my breastfeeding advice

Although some people are just naturally good at it

I could maybe learn some new cellulite remedies

How cool would it be if someone could show me how to best display my ‘back boobs’?

I’m totally taking my camera just in case excited already!