So we’re in Walmart this morning
Getting a bunch of crap that I totally don’t need a few things
I’ve just dropped Miss 5 off as school so it’s just me and Miss 3
We’ve got everything on our list and now we’re waiting in line at the check-out
There’s a man on front of us totally decked out in a suit with 2 cell phones and a pager strapped to his waist
He has his head stuck completely up his arse must be very important
So he goes to pay the lady with his credit card
Sorry sir, we don’t take that card
Man: Well what about cash?
You DO take cash don’t you?
And then he starts losing his shit ranting on and on
Man: Not that cash is worth anything anymore. Cash is not backed up by gold you know. If it was backed up by gold it would be fine. But NOOOO, it isn’t is it?
So it’s just cash. CASH, CASH CASH!
At this point, the cashier, Miss 3 and me, are all staring at him with our best, “What the fuck fuck?” faces on
And then he kind of remembers where he is
Man: Oh, ummm, well ummmm, it’s just that once, along time ago, I worked in the stock market
Miss 3 then tugged on his jacket and said,
Well once, a long time ago, I got bitten by a horse
I’m surprised you didn’t hear the snorting from wherever you are. The cashier (who I think I have totally bonded with by now) and I just pissed ourselves, snorted, guffawfed and cackled our tits off
Mr Business Man looked down at Miss 3 and patted her head. And with his teeth clenched and that ‘LOOK’ on his face – you know ‘THAT’ look? The one that people who can’t stand kids have, when there’s kids around. I actually invented THAT look you know He tried his best to smile as he said,
Well isn’t she just adorable?
And that’s when I started to get concerned that he might be that weirdo that slapped a kid in a Walmart store yesterday
So at that point I got my gun out just put my hand over her mouth and smiled and said
Have a nice day!
You wacked out, self important, tie wearing, voted most likely to murder you work colleagues, childless freak
.**PS – I fucking love that kid!