Caught up with some of my girlfriends for lunch and a few bottles glasses of wine
It’s always fun catching up
I was rubbing it in their faces telling them about our trip to the Bahamas
The hotel
The view
The service
And of course, my mates being sickos girls being girls
And they were more interested in what kind of sex I had
Like, did you go back to having single sex?
Or do you still have married sex when you’re on vacation?
I was all like shut the fuck up bitches dudes, I’m NOT going there with you
When you’re single, you can talk forever about hooking up and sexcapades
If you did that kind of thing, which of course I didn’t, ’cause I was saving myself for Diamond
Anyhoo
I think the main reason they were so curious is because of something that happened a while ago
That they won’t let me forget
So fuck it, here goes
One of our friends had a lingerie party
We all went and bought a few things
Turns out, one of the ‘items’ I had bought they bought too
So the 3 of us walked out of the party with the same outfit!
Weird, I know
We were pretty drunk at the time thought it’s be a laugh to compare reactions that our get-ups got
Note, I’m the only married one
They’re both single
Well, if you don’t count having an affair with a married man for 2 years
Which one of my mates may, or may not be doing
.
.
So about 2 weeks later, we meet up for one of our booze fest diguised as monthly lunches
We’re all keen to hear how each outfit worked out
So Ms Single (who really IS single and not humping the married wanker) reckoned that when she wore her sexy stuff on a night out, she met a bloke and I really don’t want to put her whole account of it in here ’cause she’ll kill me one thing led to another, and he LUUUURVED THE SHIT out of her outfit so much that it ended up in a pile on the floor
In the interest of total humiliation full disclosure, let the record show that said outfits were cute, black lace bodysuits, fishnets, and black silk masks
Anyhooo
Ms slutty that should no better not really single reckons that when her man came over, she answered the door with her lingerie on, and they barely made it inside the door he got so excited
So the outfit’s 2 for 2 so far
And it’s not that I didn’t want to share – I just didn’t want to admit that being married makes it different and hear their shit about it for the rest of my life I was just embarrassed
So I chugged my 3rd wine and blurted:
I put it on one afternoon when Diamond was dropping the kids off at their Grandmas
And was wearing it when he came home
He took one look at me in the black body suit and mask, and said
Yo Batman, what’s for dinner?