married life

Caught up with some of my girlfriends for lunch and a few bottles glasses of wine

It’s always fun catching up

I was rubbing it in their faces telling them about our trip to the Bahamas

The hotel

The view

The service

And of course, my mates being sickos girls being girls

And they were more interested in what kind of sex I had

Like, did you go back to having single sex?

Or do you still have married sex when you’re on vacation?

I was all like shut the fuck up bitches dudes, I’m NOT going there with you

When you’re single, you can talk forever about hooking up and sexcapades

If you did that kind of thing, which of course I didn’t, ’cause I was saving myself for Diamond

Anyhoo

I think the main reason they were so curious is because of something that happened a while ago

That they won’t let me forget

So fuck it, here goes

One of our friends had a lingerie party

We all went and bought a few things

Turns out, one of the ‘items’ I had bought they bought too

So the 3 of us walked out of the party with the same outfit!

Weird, I know

We were pretty drunk at the time thought it’s be a laugh to compare reactions that our get-ups got

Note, I’m the only married one

They’re both single

Well, if ย you don’t count having an affair with a married man for 2 years

Which one of my mates may, or may not be doing

.

.

So about 2 weeks later, we meet up for one of our booze fest diguised as monthly lunches

We’re all keen to hear how each outfit worked out

So Ms Single (who really IS single and not humping the married wanker) reckoned that when she wore her sexy stuff on a night out, she met a bloke and I really don’t want to put her whole account of it in here ’cause she’ll kill me one thing led to another, and he LUUUURVED THE SHIT out of her outfit so much that it ended up in a pile on the floor

In the interest of total humiliation full disclosure, let the record show that said outfits were cute, black lace bodysuits, fishnets, and black silk masks

Anyhooo

Ms slutty that should no better not really single reckons that when her man came over, she answered the door with her lingerie on, and they barely made it inside the door he got so excited

So the outfit’s 2 for 2 so far

And it’s not that I didn’t want to share – I just didn’t want to admit that being married makes it different and hear their shit about it for the rest of my life I was just embarrassed

So I chugged my 3rd wine and blurted:

I put it on one afternoon when Diamond was dropping the kids off at their Grandmas

And was wearing it when he came home

He took one look at me in the black body suit and mask, and said

Yo Batman, what’s for dinner?

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