being a dork in dorking

We stayed at the coolest hotel in Dorking. A place called Wotton House, that is more Downton Abbey than hotel. I mean, the building itself is nearly a thousand years old.
The fuck? Australia & the US are only a couple of hundred years old!
I walked around taking photos for a while, until I got to a wooded area at the top of a hill, where all the statues were. It was grey and foggy and the statues had no heads
Then some B grade horror music started playing in my head and I surprised myself with just how fast I could race back to my room
I am indeed a chicken shit.
The UK is filled with magnificent places like this, with rich histories, and Wotton House is no exception
It’s managed to keep the regal look of the building, while making it a fab hotel, with all the ‘mod cons’
Elevators, gym
Smoke alarms
That go off at 2am when some fuckwit in the next room decides to light up a cigarette in his NON SMOKING room
Which causes everyone on our floor to run out of their rooms half asleep, to see if there’s a fire
I’m kinda used to fire alarms going off in hotels, without there being an ACTUAL fire. It happened 4 times on the last UK tour
I’m so used to it now, I don’t even bother putting pants on

I guess I should apologise to the other guests on the fourth floor. They looked a bit ”what the fuck?’ when I walked out in just my tshirt.
You think they’d never seen a bum before.

Speaking of bums….the Dorking show was KICK ARSE!


  1. STUNNING place, Jenster! They sure know how to make an entrance, an ENTRANCE! A lot of those old ‘palaces’ are haunted…just saying…

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