Walking down the main street in Chatham today I saw not one, but two different women

Hit their kids

Little kids

Maybe just a year or so old

Now, I’m not here to lecture people on how to raise your kids

That’s your business

But if you take your kids out in public, and you crack them in the head IN FRONT OF ME, you’re damn fucking straight going to get a mouthful from me

Takes a BIG PERSON to hit a tiny defenseless child

Now, I know kids can do your head in sometimes

But what I saw was in NO WAY a case of kids being naughty

It was the mum’s who needed fucking up the arse with a pineapple the dicipline

Example one:

The mum is on the phone, cigarrette in her hand, blabbing to someone who is no doubt ALSO a fucktard about how her boyfriend didn’t come home last night, and she waited up until 4 in the morning for him. And now she’s SOOOOO shattered and needs a nap

Then her little boy in the stroller is starting to cry

He’s probably about 18 months old

She ignores him

He cries a bit more

Obviously the person on the other end of the phone is asking why the baby is crying

Oh I dunno, she says. Probably hungry I reckon. Little bastard’s always hungry

Kid cries louder, and she puts the cigarette in her mouth (to free up one of her hands) bends down, and cracks the little boy over the head

Shut your whinging, she said to him


Your kid is fucking hungry lady. You’re going to hit him for being hungry?
‘Cause you’re tired because you waited up all night for your loser boyfriend, who was no doubt out getting his end away somewhere else, ’cause you’re such a fucking catch

It’s times like this I wish I possessed magic powers

Like Barbara Eden in I DREAM OF GENIE

Just one blink from me, and this woman, the QUEEN OF ALL FUCKTARDS, would have her womb burst into flames and the ashes would come puffing out her vajay-jay and she’d spend the rest of her life blowing smoke rings every time she bent over

And she’d never be able to have more kids – ’cause she’s such an awesome parent, you know?

Kinda paints a nice visual doesn’t it?

And as for the second lady

I told her I would kick her arse until her nose bled, if I saw her hit her daughter again

She told me to fuck off

Anyhooo, if you see the police show up at tonight’s show

Just hide me out the back somewhere could you?

Apparently one of the conditions of my parole is I’m not allowed to run over people in my car

Who knew??


  1. lol It would be the town I’m from. Completely agree with you Jenny, unfortuanately I see it all the time and sometimes even worse (burning their children with cigarettes to shut them up), some of these women should have their kids taken from them. On a lighter note, thanks for the amazing show in Chatham, you did great and have now got a new fan!

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