yeah baby!

 

So we got to the airport in plenty of time

3 hours early in fact

Are we nuts or what?
Who needs sleep right?

Here’s the run down

Spent the first 30 minutes in line to check in 

Once we got to the front we were told that we were in the line to go to Fiji

And I said,

What the fucky fuck?

To myself cause the girls were totally standing right there and I’m an excellent mother who never 

swears, 

yells or 

drinks in front of them

 

OK – forget the last two

And sometimes the first one too – but not today

But it is still early

 

OK – time for the second line

And hopefully we’re in the right one this time

Bingo

Boarding passes – check

Then into our 3rd line

Security

I love going through security

Who doesn’t?

Shoes off, water thrown away, laptop out, liquids in ziploc container out, belt off, stroller emptied out – folded up, felt up by the fat hairy chick with a wand

And then have my favourite hunting knife confiscated

Just a joyful experience every time

 

Then it’s through to customs & immigration

Which is a lot of fun on a Sunday

Because shitloads of people like to travel on Sundays

But no one wants to work

So put those two things together and you have fourteen-hundred-million passengers 

And three customs agents

I know, is this day not the SHIT already?

 

Then we head to the family toilet

So all three of us can pee together, with the stroller and the hand luggage close by

While Miss 3 asks the breastfeeding lady on the couch in the room with us why her boobs are in her baby’s mouth

And why are they sooooo sunburnt? (she was black)

 

There was more fun and frivolity

But I can’t type and drink at the same time

And I think at this point it  definitely needs to be happy hour

 

Soooo

We get on the plane FINALLY

And we were some of the last people to board

It took 3 fucking hours to get to this point

Drink. Drink. Drink

Sorry – my mind is wandering

So the flight attendant shows us to our seat

Our first class seats

Did you get that?
FIRST. CLASS. SEATS

Now I’m all about honesty is the best policy if you have bad breath
And I knew this totally had to be someone’s fuck up a mistake

But I was not, not, NO WAY MOTHERFUCKERS, going to ‘fess up that we may have been in the wrong seats

I checked our boarding passes after the lady had gone, and we were in the right seats

So I don’t know how or why

But this has more than made up for the 3 hours of lining up, fuck ups and groping

The girls are in heaven

And better marry rich

‘Cause they reckon they’re never going back into the ‘little seats’ again

These seats fold all the way flat down into a bed

So they’re sleeping like angels and I’m having my long lusted for wine

I’m having fun with my motorized seat too

Up, down, up down

Then I heard a crunch

And looky looky

How cool do my noise canceling headphones look after ending up on the wrong side of a first class seat mash up?

 

So these free upgraded seats, just got way more expensive

But all in all, 14 hours of this?

Yeah baby

 

Cheers..

To stuff ups and fuck ups!