throwback thursday #2

As my Nanna knows many of you know, I started out my career as a country singer before I turned into a professional smartarse

I released three albums under the name TJ DENNIS

I got to work and tour with the hottest of the shit hot bands, mah boys, The Wham Bam Thank You Band (and more rare than a Sasquatch sighting, for the very keen observer, you may even catch a glimpse of my not often seen brother Travis. Hint; he’s the one playing lead guitar)

We played at some freaky good venues and festivals

And I got to work with some amazeballs songwriters

This clip showcases all of that

Along with my clunky heels from the Elton John collection

So for this THROWBACK THURSDAY, I give you…

“LOOKS WHOSE BOOTS” written by My Dad
Performed with the Wham Bammers at the Gympie Muster

Sidenote: One day (soon) Macaroni and Magoo are going to SHIT go into a fancy dress frenzy, when I have my own episode of hoarders and bring out this outfit and SO many others, that I’ve kept along with those size 8 jeans that I SWEAR will fit me again FFS

 

 

throwback thursday…#1

I love checking out people’s old pics on Twitter for Throwback Thursdays
Some are funny….some are cute….some are just weird

I figured if I was finally going to join the ‘Throwback Thursday’ parade, I’d do it with a with a doozie, and go tits out

No really, TITS. OUT.

Yep

I like to call this one….”THE BEFORE SHOT”

Many, MANY, many, MANY (I waited a LONG time for boobs) years later (and two breastfed babies) ..and I don’t quite look like this in the bath anymore

No “AFTER” pics though

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It’s not ‘Throw-up Thursday’ you guys.

 

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pucker up….you eight legged little bastard

I never really understood why people get plastic surgery

I mean, I get that people want to change things about themselves, and they feel that plastic surgery will give the  the improvements they’re looking for

But not me
I am WAY to much of a pussy for that shitz
After popping out two babies, one ‘naturally’ (there’s nothing natural abut that shit) and one out the sunroof
I would never, EVER intentionally go under the knife….like, by CHOICE
Nuh-uh
Nev-arrrrr

Which is why I find myself explaining my face to people today
Apparently a lot of people are fans of the bee-stung-lips-look

My lips are usually pretty chubby anyway
But today…they’re extra plump
Thanks to a spider bite on my top lip

Yep, fuck BEE stings
Fuck collagen
Imma go all out and get some of NATURE’S best poison in my face
Courtesy of itsy-bitsy-what-was-that-fucker-doing-in-my-bed-last-night-spider

Today I plan to fumigate & scrub every surface of my house
In the hopes that any and ALL spiders and other little mofos that like to bite in the middle of the night
DIE
Sorry, I’m not much of a creepy crawly whisperer
I don’t ‘relocate’ bugs
I kill the fuckers

Even if they do give me extra pouty Angelina Jolie lips
Which Imma enjoy while I can
Which would explain why I’m sitting in the car, waiting for Macaroni to come out of Orchestra camp, taking selfless of my face
When life gives you lemons
Buy more lip gloss!

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‘Cause Google (do not Google spider bite on lips…no serisously….do NOT. Whatever, off you go then) tells me they’ll probably turn black and drop of within the next 24 hours