critter

I’ve never been much of a morning person

And I totally lose my shit don’t cope well being woken up before I’m ready

So when I was woken at 4:30 this morning I was fucking ropable pretty miffed

I awoke to scratching and thumping

I thought it was the room upstairs

Then realised I was on the top floor

Then I thought it was the people next door having a bit of a ‘romp’

Then I remembered Mum and Dad are in the room next door and I threw up a little at the thought but they were fast asleep

Then the banging got louder and I worked out it was coming from the air vent on my wall

I stood on the bed to see if I could see in the vent and work out what it was

Then the banging got REALLY loud and the screaming started

And I shat myself and fell off the bed

I can’t believe I didn’t work it out in the first place

It was POSSUMS

 

Australian possums aren’t like American possums which are scary looking little fuckers

They’re pretty cute and make you go, ooooohhhh!

And just like a baby, they’re totally adorable until they turn one interrupt my sleep

These little fuckers were having a fair dinkum BRAWL in my heating vent

Screaming, hissing and it sounded like they were totally body slamming eachother

I’m thinking maybe the Daddy possum came home late smelling of some other possums arse

Just a guesss

Anyway, by 6am, I was ready to kill the little mothers

Then they stoppped

And all was quiet

And I finally fell back asleep

And had dreams about cute little possums and all the fun I could have with them

 

It was a lovely dream

In it, I had my own pair of possum boots

That looked really cute with my possum bikini

And I dreamt I was sleeping in my king size possum bed

With a belly full of yummy possum stew

 

If all of this sounds like it would be a bit messy to pull off

You’re right

And we all know there’s no way I’d do any of that shit I’m not that kind of girl

So, ’cause it was MY dream

I had a solution

I had me a POSSUM POSSE

Check ’em out

These dudes were my PEEPS