Now if you, like me….LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF CHRISTMAS!
Or if you are
a miserable Grinchy bastard someone that’s not a fan
I’m about to help you out
Fuck off Jen, I hear you say
It’s OCTOBER for shit’s sake
I KNOW you guys, and normally I’d be with you
But in oder for ME to help YOU, we need to GET. ON. THIS!
And by GET ON THIS, I mean sometimes the post office sucks hairy ones and can take more than a month to get stuff from me to you when it really shouldn’t take that long in 2013. Also where the fuck are the flying cars they promised us?
Apparently once they start uttering the “C” word….”Christmas”….everything sent from that moment on is strapped on the back of a blind, amputee camel, that stops for beer all the way from my place to yours.
So it actually NOT really the post office’s fault
It the crippled alcoholic camels they hire as casuals during silly season
And while I would almost feel bad about putting a camel out of a job, if we’re organised, we won’t even need them!
Soooooo.…for those of you looking for a little JENNY TALIA under your tree or in your stocking this year, (not to be confused with Jenny Talia IN stockings….’cause those things give me an itchin’ in my kitchen that only Monistat can fix) I have some to share
‘Cause while I try so sign my CDS etc whenever I can, online orders are sometimes sent from Australia, the UK or the USA. And depending on where *I* am at the time, I’ll sign ’em if I see ’em
But for THIS Christmas, anyone that orders a copy of my WHO DARES GRINS DVD (filmed live in South Africa) will not only get their DVD personally signed by MOI…
…You’ll also receive a signed WHO DARES GRINS POSTER A-N-D a F.O.C.U.S. sticker for FREE!! FAAAHREE!! Yeah baby!
All orders for the WHO DARES GRINS DVD received BEFORE 1st DECEMBER will be eligible for this deal
In preparation, all handjobs in my house are on hold
Wouldn’t want to wear out my writing wrist.