I guess you’ve all heard that Oprah is heading to Australia
Pretty cool huh?
Remember when I got to go to the Oprah Show with my friend Ruby?
I even have video to prove it
That’s me doing the Oprah Show Spaz Out Wave at the 3:27 mark
The day I went to the show
The audience received mittens
So, for her first show this year, when I found out she’s taking the ENTIRE audience on a trip to Australia
On a plane flown by John Travolta
Who I realise is totally a closeted gay man
But the tween in me (dressed up as Olivia Newton John) likes to live in denial
I wasn’t jealous at all
Huh, why would I be?
It’s not like I’m AUSTRALIAN or anything
It’s not like they’re going to my hometown Perth
Yeah, that’s right, they ARE going to Perth
On a direct flight – which Qantas never normally does
So you usually have to fly Chicago to LA to Sydney THEN to Perth
Where ALL my family lives
I don’t mean to come across all ungrateful n bratty n shit
At least I have my mittens to dry my bitter tears
Thanks for THAT Oprah