oprah in oz

I guess you’ve all heard that Oprah is heading to Australia

Pretty cool huh?

Remember when I got to go to the Oprah Show with my friend Ruby?

I even have video to prove it


That’s me doing the Oprah Show Spaz Out Wave at the 3:27 mark

The day I went to the show

The audience received mittens

So, for her first show this year, when I found out she’s taking the ENTIRE audience on a trip to Australia

On a plane flown by John Travolta

Who I realise is totally a closeted gay man

But the tween in me (dressed up as Olivia Newton John) likes to live in denial


I wasn’t jealous at all

Huh, why would I be?

It’s not like I’m AUSTRALIAN or anything

It’s not like they’re going to my hometown Perth

Yeah, that’s right, they ARE going to Perth

On a direct flight – which Qantas never normally does

So you usually have to fly Chicago to LA to Sydney THEN to Perth

Where ALL my family lives

I don’t mean to come across all ungrateful n bratty n shit

But, fuck



At least I have my mittens to dry my bitter tears

Thanks for THAT Oprah


  1. Po-tate-oh’s, Po-tart-oh’s – mittens, overseas holidays. It’s all free, ain’t it? Heh. Feel your pain my dear – p’raphs you can convince Qantas to employ ‘Danny’ to fly the route more regularly. So to speak…

    Great minds think alike… I did an Oprah post too. Only I didn’t use the F word QUITE so much!

    Love your work!

  2. OPRAH! OPRAH!! OPRAH!!! I think she may need someone with your International…savy…to show her around. I mean…you’re both in Chicago…You’re both coming to Australia…FFS, some people get cars, holidays & make-overs but you, my friend…YOU have THE MITTENS!!!

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