the tit whisperer

I was reading an article at The Med Guru

‘Cause you know, I’m ALL ABOUT reading up on the latest health tips they have to offer

And hangover cures

The story I found was about how men that stare at women’s boobs,  can add years to their lives

And I was all, what is this fuckery?

And did Diamond write this shit?

A German study (like we didn’t already know the Germans were nork-lovers) said that men who ogle at the breasts of women daily exhibited lower blood pressure, slower resting pulse rates and lesser episodes of coronary artery disease

It went on to say that their study indicates that engaging in this activity a few minutes daily cuts the risk of stroke

But I bet it INCREASES the rate of STROK-ING

The bad news in all of this?

That the extra few years added to your life aren’t going to mean shit, when your wife catches you perving at other women’s tits, boys

And your new-found horny-ness is useless when you’re sleeping in the doghouse

Or in extreme cases, left without a penis

But the good news?

My Dad is going to live forever!

And EVER!

YAY!