Whenever I go away
I try to leave fun stuff behind for the girls to play with
I used to leave little treasure hunts with clues all around the house
Then we got Fluffy
And realised that he can digest Polly Pockets whole
Have you ever tried to rinse doggy guts off doll that’s smaller than Gary Coleman’s pecker your Papa toe?
It’s the total opposite of awesome
The last few times I’ve been at the shops with the girls they have stopped at the Littlest Pet Shop section
And did the little happy dance that I would do if Yellow Tail Merlot was on sale little kids do when they’re excited
They would ooh & aah over these little plastic animals
And ask how many more sleeps until their birthday or Christmas so that maybe they could get one
And I’m all, it’s about 200 bazillion days away
Buuuut, if I get back from tour and Daddy doesn’t have any new grey hairs on his head
Then Mummy & Daddy might get them for you
And this elicited a double-whammy-spazzo-version of the happy dance
So, because I’m so tough and strict and no I’m not
I went back to the store later on by myself & bought the merlot that was on sale Littlest Pet Shop TRIPLETS
And left them with Diamond to be used as bribery when it became necessary given to the girls if they were being total bad-arses
And by bad-arses, I mean good
He held out 2 days
Go Diamond you soft cock
So since they received their Triplet Hamsters & Triplet Puppies
The girls have NOT STOPPED TALKING ABOUT THEM
PLAYING WITH THEM
SLEEPING WITH THEM
OBSESSING ABOUT THEM
Miss 6 has built hers a house out of a shoe box
That she tells me has solar power, a vet clinic, restaurant, nail salon & shuttle launch
Miss 4 always has bandaids and lipstick on her ‘TROOPWUTTS’ as she calls them
I’ve tried correcting her, honey it’s TRIP-LETS, not TROOPWUTTS
Can you say TRIP?
Can you says LETS?
OK, now just put them together & say TRIP-LETS
These things have become a total currency in our house
If you don’t practice piano you won’t get to play with your Triplets
If you sleep in past 6am you can watch TV with your Triplets
Everytime I talk to Diamond he’s like, you HAVE GOT TO GET MORE of these
These little plastic pieces of crap are GOLD in this house
Buy all of them, EVERYTHING they have
With these Triplets, we finally have the POWER
And I’m all like, are you TELLING me what to do?
He says, no, I’m BEGGING you
Oh, OK good
So I went straight onto amazon.com and bought whatever else they had
I didn’t tell Diamond yet
I told him I’d see what I could find
Let him sweat it out for a few days
‘Til they get delivered on Saturday
And then the 3 of them will be running around the house singing, Mummy’s the best! Mummy’s the best!
Who says you can’t buy love?
Give me $30, and I’ll prove you wrong!