Even though technically today is my birthday
I’ve promised the girls that I’m saving my birthday for when I get home
They don’t want to miss it
It’s kind of cute that it’s such a big deal to them
They’re very excited
Probably at the prospect of getting to eat cake & open my pressies
Me?
I’ll take all the birthday hugs they want to give me
.
But I won’t tell them that I already started celebrating yesterday
In the middle of my show last night, Dad walked up on stage
I was all, what the fuck Dad, I’m trying to WORK here
But then I saw the cake he was carrying and decided not to use all my fuck off lines on him
Which was a smart move
‘Cause he knows way more than I do I ended up needing them for the dropkick in the front row
Didn’t I DAMO??
Anyhooo
Everyone sang Happy Birthday to me which was so out of key my ears bled lovely
It wasn’t until I got off stage and had a good look at the cake
That I saw the candles on it
A “T” & a “D”
And I’m thinking, what is this fuckery?
Was the bakery out of “J”s ?
And Mum’s all, oh, that’s ’cause I thought we were doing the cake thing afterwards until your Dad texted me to say we were doing it during your show so I was trying really hard to open the HAPPY BIRTHDAY candles as fast as I could but they wouldn’t come out and all I could get was the T & the D so I just lit those two and ran backstage and gave the cake to your father
And I’m like, it’s okaaaaaay Mum, just breathe
I asked my fellow nutjobs facebookers what they thought the T & D might have stood for, their replies were varied
Terribly Dangerous
Totally Dickless
Totally Delightfull
Top Diva
Topless Daily
That’s DILLIGAF
Terrific Damsel
Totally Delicious
Totally Drunk
Terribly Dangerous
And my favourite?
TESTICLE DESTROYER
Nice!
.
After the show we jumped straight into the minivan to head for Rockhampton
And Mum & I decided to keep it classy by drinking red wine out of stolen plastic cups and eating the birthday cake out of the box, with our hands ’cause that’s how us grotty wenches roll
Always a fun way to spend time in the dark on a long, bumpy drive
Needless to say, once we arrived in Rocky and we poured ourselves out of the car
We looked like we’d been extreme mud wrestling and were on the verge of bleeding to death
But we were pissed and didn’t care feeling no pain
.
So tonight’s show
Which is my ACTUAL birthday
Will be spent at a rodeo stadium
With several hundred of my closest mates
Singing my fuck folk songs
And I’m thinking it might just end up a little bit awesome
Have a great real Birthday you totally weird but nice person 🙂
Jenny Talia-Testicle Destroyer-from Australia. Has a good ring to it
Love the way you use the strikeouts in your blog. Very creative and funny.
Must be hard as mum to be away for ya girls on your birthday. The moments you sacrifice for us fans. Thanks for doing that Jenny. I could say thanks 1000 times , still wouldn’t be enough.
Dingo
I love YOUR Birthday…I get stuff! 🙂 Sounds like you had a TD (Terrific Day)! Here’s too as much fun on your next Birthday…when you get home!
LOADS of LOVE & A BIG SQUEEZE!
CJxxx