come on aussie

Dear Australia

Can we have a word?

No, really

It’s kind of embarrassing

I’m a proud Aussie

Always have been

But you guys are making life hard

It’s bad enough living on the other side of the world and only hearing about the homeland in the news if there’s a shark attack

Or about a guy caught shagging at the gas station

And it’s never good to be from the country that has politicians parading around in cock jocks

And now?

I’ve read in the paper

Online

Seen it on CNN

All over the bloody joint

The NAKED AUSTRALIANS!!!

‘Cause a photographer

Some bloke called Spencer Tunick

Is a total uncle pervey known for taking naked pics of people all over the world

‘ART’, apparently

And his latest targeted fetish subject happened to be Australians

Oh, the PRIDE!

Don’t try and tell me there is not a weirdo contingent that LIVES for this shit

Parading around with their dribbling semi-boners checking out the tit parade

And girls?

Oh, girls

Do you not put toilet paper on a public toilet seat before you squat your bot?

You do?

Good

Well then, what the fuck’s up with trotting out your uncovered minges in public – and rubbing it up against strangers, sidewalks and the FUCKING SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE for fuck’s sake??

I know that a huge percentage of you could not have posed for these photos – laid down for them even – without sharing with your fellow wack jobs new friends what you had for breakfast

Tell me that didn’t look like a never ending line of drive thru car washes!

You are treading dangerously close to having your license to carry a vajay-jay revoked sisters

Five thousand of the nutters there was

Outside the Sydney Opera house

In their birthday suits

Of course, it’s all done very sleezily tastefully, as all good art is wank wank wank

Mind you, if I decided to ‘GIT NEKKID’

And parade myself around the touristy spots in Sydney

(Sorry about the visual there peeps)

I would sooooo find my freckly bum locked up in record time

But this is ART

And that makes it OKAAAAAY

What the fuck ever

But that’s not what this is about

All I’m trying to say is how about some NORMAL news from down under?

I mean,  I’m trying my best to spread the Aussie cultural around the world in my own classy way

But

You lot are NOT fucking helping