So, I’m thinking about converting
To a different hair colour religion me thinks
I reckon being a Muslim might be the way to go
Sure, it’s not the most popular group going right now and my Dad would never talk to me again
But before you get excited, I need to clarify right fucking now
That if I do decide to sign up for this
There is no way I’m getting my pink bits trimmed circumcised
So, I’ve been rethinking my whole opinion of the Muslims – or the Moosies as I like to call ’em
I used to see the Moosie women as suppressed and victimised
But there’s something to be said for just grabbing a sheet on your way out of the house
And chucking it over your head
No more bad hair days
No more time wasted at the Revlon counter
Well, except for eyeliner – you have to show off what you can, you know?
And who gives a shit if your shoes don’t match your clothes
Who the fuck’s going to know?
The kids might have trouble picking me out when I pick ’em up from school but they can always just walk home anyway, lazy bastards
But, here’s where I’m totally sold on it
How about the whole, your husband can have as many wives as he wants shit that the Moosies have got going on?
I used to be so opposed to that, as a woman
And thought it was degrading
Like, if your husband REALLY loved you
He’d only want you and no one else
But you know what?
It’s be kinda cool to share the load
Bare with me on this one
Let’s just say, for shits & giggles
That I let Diamond have 6 other wives
Then he’d have one for every day of the week
There could be cleaning wife
Manage the house wife
Deal with his family wife
Take care of the kids wife
Head job wife
And then there’d be me
With fuck all else to do
I could totally be lay-on-my-arse-all-day-wathcing-telly-wife
Bring that shit ON mutha fucka
I need to be getting me one of those burka thingies STAT! in size buffallo
Praise be to ALAN
Who’s with me?