facially motivated

I always assumed that if I had kids, they’d be boys

So of course, I have 2 girls

And you know what?

It’s fucking awesome

Case in point

Today, ’cause mummy was hungover in relaxing mode

We decided to play beauty shop

Which basically consisted of me, instructing them

In the art of hand massage, foot massage & head massage

While I laid on the couch

And they practiced

On me

And let me tell you

I have hit the mother fucking jackpot with these girls

The whole time

They’re like, mummy, this is so much fun

Can we do this all the time?

I love rubbing your feet

And I’m saying, well only on special days

Like the ones that end in Y

Holy snapping duckshit batman, what a shit hot way to treat your hangover spend a Sunday

I didn’t take any pics

‘Cause that would have required me getting off my arse the couch


So I thought I’d see what google images had for me

If I typed in massage

What the fucking FUCK is THIS?

Massages are supposed to be RELAXING

Kinda hard to do when you’re all Medusa-ed out with snakes up your clacker

No thank you very fucking much


So then I typed in ‘facial’

To get a pic to use

And I got this

Google has a dirty mind is fucked up

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