once upon a time

Once upon a time

In a land far, far away

OK, so technically it wasn’t THAT far away

More like up the road really

About a 20 minute drive from here

Oh wait, am I fucking up the story?

Sorry guys

Not

Anyhoooo

A long time ago

Well, not THAT long ago really

There lived a little boy

Who grew up to be a bit of a spunk

A big spunk actually (he may be reading this)

He liked girls and football

And girls and football

Then came beer

And girls and football

You get the idea

Anyhooo

I’ve never been really good at telling stories

So I’ll just go straight to the best bit

One night, he was falling down drunk having fun with his friends

When he spotted a beautiful princess across a crowded room

She was from a land far away

Australia!

So you probably know where this is heading right?

OK then, I’ll make it quick

The Princess was totally hot

He married her

They had 2 gorgeous little girls

And bought a big white horse dog

And lived happily ever after

The End

.

.

See?

Fairytales DO come true

.

Happy Birthday to my prince Diamond!