nowhere to hide

Remember a while back when I posted this video about Diamond?

[YOUTUBE]3P5K3iypG9U[/YOUTUBE]

It gives me great pleasure pain to let you know that nothing has changed

NOTHING

So I’m laying in bed this fine Sunday morning

And I use the word morning lightly, ’cause it’s 3am

And I hear this little voice

Mommy, mommy

And I roll over to see Miss 6 at the side of the bed

I have cramps in my legs

Can I sleep in your bed?

Now I don’t know about you, but I love it when the kids climb into our bed in the mornings

But only for about 5 minutes

And NOT at 3am

Sure bub, jump in

So she does, and we cuddle

But sure as shit, at the five minute mark she starts

Snoring like a 60 year old drunk truck driver

I mean, she’s SIX

And she’s a GIRL

And she could almost kick her Dad’s hairy arse in the ‘drive mummy mental with your snoring’ stakes

So it’s stupid o’clock and I’m laying there in the snoring sandwhich wondering if I’ll ever go back to sleep

When I hear

Mommy, mommy

And I look over the other side of the bed and see Miss 4

Can I come and sleep with you ’cause my bed’s wet your bed’s more comfy

Sure baby girl, climb on up

So now you have, from left to right, Miss 6, me, Miss 4 and Diamond

And even though our bed is pretty massive

Nothing could accomodate the level of ‘make me want to scream’ snoring that started

It was like the 3 of them were trying to outdo eachother

And the girls, I shit you not, were louder than Diamond

Good luck trying to find a husband one day with those ‘cute’ sleeping habits

If you don’t have anyone that snores in your house can I move in?

Let me try and paint the picture for you

It sounds something like 100 rusty chainsaws, cutting into to whirling blades of 50 army helicopters, that landed in the bear enclosure at the zoo, right next to an explosives factory, that farted

Only louder

Anyhoo

I lay there trying to come up with ways to muzzle them them

But none of those ways allowed room for them to keep breathing

So it got to about 4am, and I decided I didn’t want to go to jail for suffocating them all couldn’t take it anymore

So I headed downstairs

Tried to sleep on the couch

No luck

I was wide awake

Fuck it, I’ll do some laundry answer some emails

So I make a cup of tea

Sit down here at the computer

But do you think I can concentrate?

Nope

Because I forgot about this woolly mammoth sitting at my feet

And how he holds the world record for SNORING LIKE A MOTHER FUCKER!

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*just so you know, when I go back out on the road next week, I’m actually going to miss this!