So I’m off to the oral surgeon today
Remember when I told you that MY TOOTH FELL OUT?
It’s been a big ol’ pain in the arse since then and I’ll be sure to bitch and moan fill you in about it later
We’ll just fast forward through all the crap and get to how I was totally HIT ON at the dentist yesterday
Not at the oral surgeon, just at the regular dentist
But hey, maybe I’ll get hit on there today too
I’m AM pretty good looking
But you already know that
At the dentist yesterday, getting x-rays and all that fun stuff, and the dental nurse is completely flirting with me
Oh, did I mention it was a woman? And she was about 12 21?
I know, my HAAWWWTNESS knows no boudaries
Anyways, here’s how it went
dental assistant: come and have a seat here baby
That’s right, she called me BABY
dental assistant: are you comfortable?
She’s totally stroking my arm as she asks this. Not patting people, STROKING
dental assistant: I love your hair. Can I touch it?
me: Ummmm, sure?
So now she’s running her fingers through my hair
dental assistant: Wow, it’s so soft. How do you get so much volume in it?
me: well, I haven’t washed it in a month while, maybe that helps?
dental assistant: I just LOVE it. You’re so pretty
I told you she wants me
So I’m there for about an hour total, and in that time she says stuff like,
I’m single right now, but ALWAYS looking
You’re so happy, you must have a lot of sex (OH YES SHE DID)
I like your legs
So you get the drift anyway right?
And in the interest of equal opportunity, just so you know, if this was a guy saying all of this
I absolutely would have told him to fuck off
So she flirted, and I laid there like a stunned mullet, praying for more drugs
And then she actually HUGGED me when I left
Cuddles at the dentist?
So I’m telling Diamond all about my newest best friend when I got home
And he’s looking at me like he’s pissed off or something
And I’m all like, your JEALOUS. Your jealous off the hot chick at the dentist who thinks I’m awesome
And he looks at me like I’m a complete fucktard a nutter
I just want to make sure that the next time you go there, I’m coming too
See? I KNEW he was jealous
Kind of sweet really
Because I’m your husband
And I wanna WATCH!