the ‘never fail’ diet

I have this guaranteed way to lose wight

And just when I start to get fatter forget and maybe put on a few too many pounds

It sneaks right up and smacks me in the mouth with it hideousness and reminds me

Parent time

That’s right, spending time with my parents

The weight just falls off

Not sure if this applies to everyone’s Mum and Dad

I’m pretty sure it’s just my dysfunctional ones it’s probably just mine

Conversation over lunch today

Mum: We got all the laundry done

Dad: Well I may not have been there, but I was helping

Me: How’s that?

Dad: I’m conserving clothes

Mum & Me: He’s talking like a crazy man again What?

Dad: I still have my PJ’s on

Mum & Me: What?

Dad: I only got out of bed a little while ago and I figured I’ll have a shower when I get back from lunch and get ready for work

Me: ZZZZZZZzzzzzzzz

Dad: So I thought I’d save on washing and leave on my boxers that I sleep in ’til after my shower

Mum: So you don’t have any jocks on?

Me: Oh God

Dad: Nope. I’m free balling

Me: **fingers in ears rocking back and forth**

Mum: Isn’t that uncomfortable?

Dad: Nah – there’s a little bit of clanging around going on down there but I kind of like it

Mum: **giggles**

And this is when I pushed my plate of pasta away ’cause I was going to chuck

JUST. FUCKING. WRONG.

I bet you *shuddered* just reading it