Helloooo from sunny Scotland

There I go lying again

I AM in Scotland, but there is nothing resembling the sun here so far

Landed in London early yesterday morning then flew straight up to Glasgow

The bosses wife, merch bitch MUM picked me up at the airport and we drove straight to Motherwell for the show

Was such a good show. I got lucky to have such a brilliant crowd to play to for my first night of the tour

And I’m not pissing in Motherwell’s pocket. Scotland can be known as  comedian’s graveyard, the crowds can be tough

But they went really easy on me last night thank fucking God

Headed to Kilmarnock today where we have a few things to get done before the show

First on my list is to see if I can get my iphone up and running over here

I hope so ’cause I’m having withdrawal symptoms only just getting the hang of it

Then Dad & I are thinking of partaking in some local cuisine

Specifically HAGGIS

Haggis is a dish containing sheep‘s ‘pluck‘ (heartliver and lungs), minced with onionoatmealsuetspices, and salt, mixed with stock, and traditionally boiled in the animal’s stomach for approximately three hours.

Haggis somewhat resembles stuffed intestines (pig intestines otherwise known as chitterlings), sausages and savoury puddings of which it is among the largest types. As the 2001 English edition of theLarousse Gastronomique puts it, “Although its description is not immediately appealing, haggis has an excellent nutty texture and delicious savoury flavour”.[1]

Most modern commercial haggis is prepared in a casing rather than an actual stomach. There are also meat-free recipes for vegetarians.

Now I saw someone eating one of these yesterday and it looked and smelt a lot like an Australian meat pie

But then I googled HAGGIS this morning and got this

Ummm….well that looks a lot more like a diseased penis sausage than a pie to me

So on second thoughts, I might try the SPOTTED DICK instead

Spotted Dick is a steamed suet pudding containing dried fruit (usually currants), commonly served with custardSpotted refers to the dried fruit (which resemble spots) and Dick may be a contraction/corruption of the wordpudding (from the last syllable) or possibly a corruption of the word dough.[1] Another explanation offered for the latter half of the name is that it comes from the German word for “thick,” in reference to the thickened suet mixture. It is a cultural part of English Cuisine.

According to the Oxford English Dictionary, the earliest documented reference is a recipe for “Plum Bolster or Spotted Dick,” in Alexis Soyer‘s The Modern Housewife of Menagere (1850). [2]

The dessert has been renamed Spotted Richard on menus by Flintshire County Council and Gloucestershire NHS Trust due to the use of Dick (short for Richard but also slang for penis) in the original name. Gloucestershire NHS Trust changed the name back to the original name in 2002.[3][4]

So just to clarify,

The HAGGIS looks like a spotted dick, and the SPOTTED DICK looks bloody delicious

Maybe I shouldn’t tell Diamond about this

Oh hi babe

Yeah, Scotland it going great

The show was awesome, the people are mad

And I’m headed off today to taste some Scottish SPOTTED DICK

How’s your day?


  1. I imagine that’s what Michael Jackson’s penis may have looked like. I know, I know…no f*cking respect for the dead but…

  2. Hey!!

    The Motherwell show was amazing!! Don’t listen to what they say about Scottish crowds!

    We’re just as sick as you Aussie’s!! You’re welcome back anytime! I’ll keep an eye out for more shows, I’ll defo be back again!!

    Keep it Up!!

    Big G!!

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