change of heart

My husband is always busting my balls giving me shit about my coffee habit

And laughs at the fact that I spend more than $4 a cup for my ‘wanky brew’ (his words) when I can get a whole tin of coffee for the same amount and make it at home

I’ve tried explaining to him that it’s not the same (in my best whiny, wifey voice)

I like Starbucks

I like Dunkin Donuts

I pretty much like ’em all

I like drinking it out of the cups with the lids

I like going through the drive-thru to get it

I like the friendly little man that gives it to me

I like it all

My husband thinks they put crack in it, “Why else would people line up and pay that much for a cuppa joe?”

So he got me my own cups with lids

Not the same

Bought me my own Starbucks travel mug

Not the same

So it’s just one of the many MANY things we agree to disagree on

That’s why I found today’s Skype call SOOOOO FUCKING AWESOME!!

Me: How’s your day been so far?

Diamond:

Oh yeah, I’ve decided to refer to my husband from here on out as DIAMOND. ‘My husband’ was getting old

He thinks it’s because he’s hard as a rock. I say it’s because he’s a girl’s (this girl’s) best friend

You may vomit now

OK truth? It was his nickname when we met

Where was I?

Oh yeah

Diamond: I just got back

Me: From where?

Diamond: Starbucks

‘Scuse me and what the fucky fuck mother fucker???? 

Me: Sorry, I thought you said Starbucks

Diamond: I did

Me: Who are you and what have you done with my husband?

Diamond: Well remember how I told you that the coffee pot broke the day after you left

Me: Mmmmm

Diamond: Well I’ve been too busy fishing & drinking working on the house to get another one. Plus you know how much I hate shopping

This is something I will never understand

Me: OK?

Diamond: So one morning I decided to try out that Starbucks place you always go to

This is the part where I fell off the chair

Me: Tell me you didn’t go and PAY $4 FUCKING DOLLARS FOR A CUP OF WANKY COFFEE

Diamond: Umm yeah, I did

And you know what?

Me: You’ve also decided to go and get a vasectomy??

Diamond: Very funny, no. I actually really like their coffee

At this point the heavens opened and God poked his head through and said, “What the fucky fuck?”

Diamond: And the people that work there are amazing

I’m think at this point maybe he’s suffered a stroke or something

Diamond: They’re always so friendly, and they even know my name now

By now I’m stunned into silence

Diamond: So maybe when you get back, we could go there together in the mornings

 

It’s offical…

The Aliens have kidnapped my Diamond!!