At LA airport right now, waiting for the flight to Brisbane

I’m pretty sure I got fatter they made the seats smaller since I last flew

I had the window seat

But the two dudes sitting next to me?

I feel like we’re intimately aquainted after that flight

And they may have started out as strangers

But now they’re like, totally a couple

Hope their wives are OK with that

Yeah, this is the rambling post from a sleep deprived, newly caffeinated traveler

And it’s only going to get worse

Or maybe not

I forgot the charger to my laptop

So this might be the last post for a while

Hopefully I can get hold of a new charger before my bat….FUCK!

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Just kidding

It hasn’t run out….YET!

Anyhooo

I’m off to find some twizzlers something to snack on for the long bit

Signing off from LAX for now

LAX - that’s what all the cool kids call it

Did you know there’s a reason that the word LAXative has LAX in it?

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They both smell like arse and give me the shits!

Roll on BRISVEGAS!!!

I am a lot of things

short, freckly, totally hot

But right now, princess procrastinator would be the hat that’s glued to my head I’m wearing

Getting ready to go back to work next week after a big break

I’ve been home since the end of November

So Diamond is ready for me to get the fuck outta here it’s time to get my shit together

About a month before I start touring I compile the big list

I’m a list nut

They’re in my bag

My pockets

On my phone

I made a big list a few weeks ago

Of all the things I needed to get done before I leave

Everything from buying new guitar strings

To sewing the patches on Miss 6 girl scouts uniform

Taking the girls to the dentist blah, blah, blah

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As you can imagine

I have been flat out

Ignoring the fuck out of said list

And with less than 72 hours until I leave

I’m looking at the bottle of red on the kitchen counter

Thinking that a glass or two is about the only thing that’s going to help me get all this done

So what if it’s 8am

I’m sure I can get most of it sorted out in time

But the truth?

I’d rather be doing this

Watching these two

Laughing at their lack of skills with them

Just hanging out with my babies

Trying not to freak out at how they’re growing every minute

That I’m going to miss out on something they do or say

I’m so lucky I love my job

But I really do need to get them playing the guitar more

Then they can be my support act

And come with me!

Problem solved bitches

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Can the support act even have a support act?

After leaving a gay nightclub

With a male companion as his passenger

The cops noticed him swerving all over the road ’cause he was getting his dick sucked

And charged him with a DUI

Hypocritical FUCKTARD much?

You can follow me (and my incoherent ramblings [in 140 characters or less])

By clicking on my twitter page here

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Or for the facebookers out there

You can join my facebook fan page by clicking here

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And for everyone else?

Ummm….

Have a nice day? you techno challenged freaks

Thanks Karol x

I think most people have, at some point, seen the clip of ‘those guys on the treadmill’

Very original, memorable video

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I always wondered if they’d ever be able to top that clip

Well, they totally have

So well done

And the bonus this time?

The song isn’t crap I like the song too!

Can we have a word?

No, really

It’s kind of embarrassing

I’m a proud Aussie

Always have been

But you guys are making life hard

It’s bad enough living on the other side of the world and only hearing about the homeland in the news if there’s a shark attack

Or about a guy caught shagging at the gas station

And it’s never good to be from the country that has politicians parading around in cock jocks

And now?

I’ve read in the paper

Online

Seen it on CNN

All over the bloody joint

The NAKED AUSTRALIANS!!!

‘Cause a photographer

Some bloke called Spencer Tunick

Is a total uncle pervey known for taking naked pics of people all over the world

‘ART’, apparently

And his latest targeted fetish subject happened to be Australians

Oh, the PRIDE!

Don’t try and tell me there is not a weirdo contingent that LIVES for this shit

Parading around with their dribbling semi-boners checking out the tit parade

And girls?

Oh, girls

Do you not put toilet paper on a public toilet seat before you squat your bot?

You do?

Good

Well then, what the fuck’s up with trotting out your uncovered minges in public - and rubbing it up against strangers, sidewalks and the FUCKING SYDNEY OPERA HOUSE for fuck’s sake??

I know that a huge percentage of you could not have posed for these photos - laid down for them even - without sharing with your fellow wack jobs new friends what you had for breakfast

Tell me that didn’t look like a never ending line of drive thru car washes!

You are treading dangerously close to having your license to carry a vajay-jay revoked sisters

Five thousand of the nutters there was

Outside the Sydney Opera house

In their birthday suits

Of course, it’s all done very sleezily tastefully, as all good art is wank wank wank

Mind you, if I decided to ‘GIT NEKKID’

And parade myself around the touristy spots in Sydney

(Sorry about the visual there peeps)

I would sooooo find my freckly bum locked up in record time

But this is ART

And that makes it OKAAAAAY

What the fuck ever

But that’s not what this is about

All I’m trying to say is how about some NORMAL news from down under?

I mean,  I’m trying my best to spread the Aussie cultural around the world in my own classy way

But

You lot are NOT fucking helping

I give it a ten out of ten

And I just had to share

Bet you find yourself humming along with the music

“….where you from…you sexy thing!”

Then I hope you don’t find yourself like I was

At the end of it

With wine splurting out of my nose

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*wipes computer screen and changes undies*

(maybe video dude should change his too)

I’ll take a burger any day

State media said the two young men accused of having sex with a goat in central Mozambique faced criminal charges.

The young men, whose names and ages were not released, were caught in the act by police and arrested outside the rural town of Mbucuta in central Mozambique, the website of the state broadcaster said.

“One of the young men was naked and holding the goat’s head, and the other was having sex with the animal,” witness Mario Creva told Radio Mozambique.

District prosecutor Leonides Mapasse said the two would face trial for simple larceny.

The goat’s owner may also file a civil suit against them, he said.

The owner was demanding the young men pay him damages and initiate a traditional wedding ceremony by paying “lobolo,” a dowry, a family member told Radio Mozambique.

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Don’t the poor animal have any say in this?

An arranged marriage?

How cruel

What if the goat doesn’t love them?

I think the best option is to ask the goat

Maybe it’s not the marrying type

Maybe it’s are more interested in getting revenge than getting married

Team GOAT all the way!