balls to the wall belfast!

Even though I know what to expect whenever I play in Belfast
It’s always a bit of a shock to my system
This is the place where, more than anywhere else, I EARN it.
Every laugh. Every time.
A belfast crowd is about as tough as they come. But if they like you, they fucking love you..
They aren’t easily impressed, and I’ll get told more times to ‘feck off’ here, than anywhere else in the world
So…
Last night, I went for it

Put my proverbial boxing gloves on and went to work
Maybe I’m getting better
Maybe they’re getting used to me
Maybe I’m just louder?
But, last night, it really worked
Like, they cheered like mofos for me
Sang along
And applauded. Hard

At half time, the peeps here formed a line that went on forever, waiting to say G’day and get their stuff signed
So Belfast…I’ve always loved you
You’re like one of the cool kids at school that aren’t too sure if you’re going to let me in your gang
And last night, you liked me right back
It’s like, we’re buds

Don’t get me wrong, I still wouldn’t fuck with you, and would totally do your homework if you told me to. You made me fucking work for it
But, that just makes me appreciate it even more
I had the best time on stage last night
And looking at your faces….I reckon that was pretty mutual

Can’t wait to get back here again next year
Better start training for it now.

 

photos by MARTIN COX @ www.gigshot.com

the croydon crew

I first came to Croydon (I think) maybe 9 years ago
It’s a huge venue we play here
And it was pretty fucking cool to see it packed to the rafters tonight
I was so excited I decided to get me “F.O.C.U.S” tattoo happening

(I know, it’s a shitty shot. but I’ve never been too flash at taking selfies have I Diamond?

If you’re wondering who that is behind me, it’s Daz. He’s our lighting and guitar tech and all-round favourite Kiwi.
He’s helping me put my microphone on and then putting duct tape on my neck. Because I sweat like mofo on stage, and all my gadgets and gizmos just SLIDE off. So we tape everything on.
Wow, that didn’t sound weird AT ALL.

So I got some F.O.C.U.S tattoos made. Fake ones, that between you and me, are absolute bastards to wash off. So maybe we should call them SEMI-permanent.

When I have one on, I like to WAVE at people with my Oprah Arms….just long enough for them to read the tattoo.
It gives me joy that most people have no idea what it means…..and generally just wave back at me.


(can you even SEE the F.O.C.U.S. tatt on my arm?)

It was, as always, an incredible show here tonight. Croydon crowds never disappoint.
One of the highlights for me was getting to run into an old mate. I wrote about her pretty special son, a few years back, and I’m pleased to say he’s now a confident and completely awesome 13 year old, who just blitzed his school exams – that he takes at a 16 year old level.
How fucking cool is that?

See you next year Croydon!!

 

 

whoa, black betty (bam-a-lam)

How was your Mother’s Day ladeez?
Even though I was in the same country as my Mum, we didn’t spend it together…boo. (she’s still in New Orleans) But I’m thinking Mum had a good day anyway. She received a totally gorgeous (yes, I picked it out) Pandora bracelet.  It’s her second one. I won’t go into what happened to the first one, but rest assured, THIS ONE came with a safety chain.

I had to say goodbye to an old friend on Mother’s Day. We’ve been close for more than 9 years, and have had many an adventure together.
My car.
She’s been dying a slow death for a while now. Last time we decided to replace her and get me a new car,  we came home with a truck for Diamond. ???? A green truck. That I have been driving for the last year or so. I call it the Green Hornet and I like to pretend the outside is white, or grey, when I’m inside it. When I get out, I just shut my eyes. It’s an awesome ride and I love driving it. But that doesn’t make it any LESS green.
Anyhoo, it was time to say sayonara to my old buddy. I know, it’s just a car. But both my babies were made in the backseat came home from the hospital in it….blah blah…I know I’m a dickhead. If I could fix her I would. But it would cost more than she’s worth.
So last weekend, Diamond and I headed off to do our second most favorite thing in the world. Our first is stubbing our toes on the corner of the bed.  Followed closely by car shopping. Fucking hate it. And with respect to all you car salesmen out there, you are a bunch of knob-jockeys.

But it turned out OK. I just sat in the kids playroom of the car dealership with the girls, playing Barbie dress up on the iPad. I like to pick and choose when I have to be a grown up. So I left Diamond to be the dick. You know, the one that haggles with the “trust me, I’ll give you the best deal” guys, and all that other fun stuff.
He came out after an hour, handed me the keys, and said Happy Mother’s Day! I said, a car? That’s what I get for Mother’s Day? I’m like, DUDE, you will do anything to avoid going to the mall.
All shit-stirring aside. I couldn’t be happier. I love it!
Please ignore all previous references to stupid little blonde women who drive around the suburbs in big-mofo-yank-tanks. ‘Cause now I am one!
Magoo calls it my ‘President’s car’. Probably because it’s long and black.
Like the one the President rides in (not what YOU were thinking you sick bastards)
Does it make my bum look big?
Nope, I look like an ant getting out of the fucker. It’s ginormous!
Diamond thinks I’m a fruit loop. Possibly because on Mother’s Day night, we were on the couch, holding hands, watching the kids play outside. I leaned over and said, “I love…..
MY CAR!”
He might have been expecting, I love my family or YOU, or something along those lines.
Whatevs. I do love all of them
But I really love my car
Let’s not tell him about the speeding ticket that I flashed my boobs and got out of narrowly avoided when I drove it home from the dealership

At least the accelerator works.