I’ve stayed away from commenting or blogging about the crisis in Haiti

For a couple of reasons

Biggest reason?

As a mum, it’s breaking my heart

And I don’t know if it makes me a bad person

But I can’t watch the news coverage anymore

You donate what you can

And what else do you do?

I’m not a doctor, or a nurse

I can’t go over there and help in anyway

So, watching the non-stop story unfolding makes me feel helpless

And I don’t want to cry every time I see another child dying, or in pain

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But I’ve been reading about a French politician (click here to read the story)

Who has been mouthing off running around bitching about the US troops and aid workers in Haiti

That the US has just come over to ‘occupy’ the country for it’s own benifit

OK?

Listen, you Froggy Fucktard

Geographically, common sense dictates that the US would be the first to arrive

They have the experience, the manpower, the money

Not to mention the ‘give a shit’ factor to get the job done

How about you take your ignorant arsehole-ish thoughts and ask the Haitian people what THEY think?

The ones whose lives have been saved

Seriously, fuck off back to France

And let the rest of the world do their job

the RED CROSS website

I need to start this blog by letting you know that my laptop is at the fucking mac store again laptop hospital

I won’t go into ‘WHY’

‘Cause I’d really rather not use the expression CUNTYCUNT at Christmas time

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So, today’s blog is being sent to you from Diamond’s laptop

It may smell a little like beer

So I’ll apologise in advance for that

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Anyhoooo

It’s snowing today

Hellooooo…..

Did you hear me?

IT’S FUCKING SNOWING TODAY!!

I can’t even tell you how much I love it when it snows

So, for my Chicago friends – and anyone else who reads this that gets snow where you live

You can go make a cuppa or something

As this blog will no doubt shit you to tears

Oh, and Chicago friends?

When it snows, you drive like ARSEHOLES!

To be fair, Diamond did warn me about you guys

He said, “Chicago drivers, when it rains, drive 5 miles per hour. When it snows? They go 100!”

And you know what?

He’s right! (don’t tell him I said that)

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We’ve just had a light dusting of snow here the last couple of days

Making everything look so pretty and Christmassy

It’s also making the locals drive like their competing in a fucking demolition derby for Christ’s sake

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Yesterday, I was coming up to a stop sign

And the 2 cars in front of me went nuts

The first one skidded straight through the sign

And the second one spun out and ended up with her car facing mine and our bumpers touching

And the car behind me, slid right up on the footpath, just missing me

I mean, don’t you think there’s a problem when the AUSTRALIAN, with her fuck all limited experience driving in the snow, is the one that stops properly?

Granted, I had my car in 4WD mode, and Diamond’s voice in my ear, “Don’t drive like a woman too fast”

And I would never profess to being a great driver

So I blame this white knuckled driving for driving me to drink more

And it’s too early for the pub to be open motherfuckers

So, this will have to do for now

The weather channel is reported that we’re expecting a huge snow storm in the next 24 hours

Or as Diamond so eloquently put it, “we’re gonna get fucking pounded”

Bring it on I say

I’d better get to the shops first and stock up on food

Well, just carrots really

For the snowman’s nose

Might grab some scotch too

To put in my coffee

That’ll make these fucktards on the road the school run WAY easier

Might give the driving a miss for the next day or so

Could be better for my kids in the long run too

They’re learning some great new words

Well, ALMOST learning them

During yesterday’s near disaster, I kinda forgot the kids were in the car

And proceeded to scream out “YOOOOOU FUCKWIT!”

Possibly more than twice

OK, so it was 3 times

Miss 6 asked me what that meant

And I played all dumb like, “What does what mean?”

“FUCKWIT?”

(I know somewhere on the other side of the world, my Dad’s chest is puffed out with pride as he reads this)

“Nooooooo, I said LUCKED IT. I was telling the other drivers that they totally LUCKED IT by not having a big crash”

“Ohhhhh”, she said.

“LUCKED IT. I like that mummy”

“YOOOOU LUCKED IT!”

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I’m not sure I’m going to be able to get away with this bullshit much longer

So there’s a ‘Muslim Cleric’ guy in Australia who’s been writing letters to Australian families who have lost a love one in Afghanistan

Parents who have lost sons

Young widows who’ve lost husbands

His letters accused some of the dead Australian soldiers of being “criminals”, “killers” and “murderers” fighting a war of invasion

His name is Sheik Haron, and he’s a complete fucking nutjob

So, explain this to me,

An immigrant to Australia, can send antiwar letters to grieving Australian families

He can have a website promoting his hatred

With a section even entitled, “Come on, let’s happily suicide together!”

And another, “We are proud to be called TERRORISTS”

This is the same guy who told his ‘followers’ it was permissible to hit their wives and force them to have sex.

Then there’s his writings about the worst bushfires in Australian history, when 173 people were killed last year,

Australians deserve to be burned in the fire of hell, the fire of Bush is nothing!

And he’s allowed to STAY in the country?

This is the kind of immigration Australia is OK with?

C’mon, how many Australians want this guy as their neighbour?

Patriotic Australians

Because someone like this utter fucktard will never be patriotic to our country

He will never love Australia or it’s way of life

He’s hate-filled lunatic, that spouts his poisonous crap, under the guise of religion

The only thing he’ll ever worship is his God

And that’s fine

But if your way of life, and your God is so good mate

Why don’t you strap a bomb to yourself and go the fuck home!

Hey YOU!

I know these letters should be more formal

You know, ‘to whom it may concern’ and all that crap

But I think, since you kept me up until stupid o’clock this morning

I have earned the right to refer to you as ‘fucktard’

And yes, I mean YOU, stud-muffin in the room next door

There was a big, fancy wedding what a waste of money going on downstairs in the hotel last night

One of the groomsmen hooked up with one of the blinded by booze bridesmaids

They were in the room next to mine

It was an adjoining room, so it had a door between them, that was locked thank fucking christ

So their entire conversation could be heard from my room without me even having to put a glass up against the wall with no problem at all

So fucktard, I’m guessing you haven’t been laid in a while, yeah?

I mean, come on mate, I heard all your pick up lines clear as a bell

“I have a helicopter?”

What the fuck? I’m praying to God you’re a pilot and you weren’t talking about your penis

I’m shuddering to think what you do to it, to earn it the ‘helicopter’ name tag

But just as I was drifting off to sleep, you took it up a notch

Your volume that is

“I work out for 2 hours every day. It’s all about being in optimum shape when it comes time for the love train”

I nearly coughed up a lung oyster over that one. LOVE TRAIN? Oh dude, you are one piece of work

I imagine you bald, with a beer gut and a 2 inch dick at this point

With an extensive collection of extra large butt-plugs in your overnight bag

And the bridesmaid, well you young lady,  should be banned from ever drinking again

Either that, or you should have your license to use your vajay-jay revoked. Surely there are better things to do with your girly bits? You make me ashamed to spell my name J.E.N.N.Y W.O.M.A.N

Then you started with your juicy fruiting aerobics session

Maybe it was sex, I dunno. But you were grunting and groaning like a wild pig in heat

And wow, not 30 seconds later, SILENCE!

Aren’t you the dud fuck from hell stayer? NOT!

Man, I hope you gave your bridesmaid friend a refund

What a waste of a champagne buzz you turned out to be

I was just getting ready to print this note off and slip it under your door, when I hear you AGAIN next door

Only this time you’re on the phone

TO. YOUR. WIFE

Oh Mr Fucktard, you really ARE a cock sucking piece of shit?

So, I’ll just leave this at reception and ask them to forward it to your home address

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And if you’re reading this Mrs Fucktard - you can do BETTER! you can thank me later…