little women

We had a family day yesterday

That consisted of hanging out, shopping, a nice lunch, a movie

And 10 pin bowling

The entire bowling alley was full of old people

Which is what you get on the 1st of the month, when all the pensioners are out partying their social security checks away

I tell you, the ancient white haired army were on fire

Those nannas were bowling like fucking ninjas

While our entire family’s score totaled less than 300

Diamond will be SO happy I shared THAT with you

Magoo wanted to know why all the ladies had ‘long’ boobs and the men all wore ‘poo coloured’ pants

Macaroni proceeded to give her a lesson on gravity and the convenience of beige pants when wearing adult diapers that are prone to leakage

We love watching our girls parent themselves

But we’re REALLY looking forward to getting ridonkulously old, bat-shit crazy, and grossing them out even more than we  do now


We finished off our big day by playing makeup and hair

Diamond (wisely) used this time to clean out the fish tank

The girls told me they wanted to make me up like Barbie

I was all, you know, Barbie is not a realistic girl. Women don’t really look like that. We all come in different shapes and sizes, and our uniqueness is what makes us who we are…..which is naturally perfect, just like you two are…blah blah blah

I was getting right into my, “how to raise daughters that don’t grow up to be bulimic and want boob jobs” speech, when they interrupted me…

But Mummy, you are TOTALLY like Barbie

Except you are prettier and have bigger boobs

Oh, in that case..

Carry the fuck on.

birthday girl

OK, so a few weeks ago – Mum saw an iPhone holder she liked for her phone

One of those arm band ones, that you wear when you’re jogging

Yeah, I would never need one either

So I grabbed her one, with the intention of giving it to her as part of her birthday gift

Also a few weeks ago, Dad was wondering out loud about what HE should get Mum

I said there was something else I knew she’d like, that I could order online and get it sent straight to their house

I won’t write what it is here, ’cause it hasn’t arrived yet – and there’s just not enough surprises left in the world….is there Mum?

Anyhoo – I ordered said pressie for Dad to give Mum

Everyone sorted, right?


Here’s how that shit goes down in my family

I Skype Mum last night for her birthday

She hasn’t opened her gift from me yet

But proceeds to show me what Dad got her

Imagine my ‘what is this fuckery’ face, when she holds up an iPhone arm band holder

I’m like, DAD…do you not remember me showing you the one JUST LIKE THAT that I got Mum?

He’s all, wuh?

I said, REMEMBER, we ordered YOUR gift for Mum online – it’s coming in the mail

He’s like, we did?


So that’s where I gave up

Congratulated Mum on her TWO new iPhone arm band holders

And told her she could have one for each arm now

She suggested that she give one to Dad and he could go running with her

Luckily he didn’t hurt himself too bad when he fainted

I still want to be her when I grow up….happy birthday Mum!


PS – Enjoy the day off they gave everyone in your honour (and for that other chick too)