new shows make me nervous

OK, not ALL new shows make me nervous

Most of them make me excited

Like some of the solo shows I have coming up

I start the NORTHERN TERRITORY shows in a couple of weeks

Heiny & I are going to do those shows Thelma & Louise style….AGAIN!

She’s never been to the Territory before

So 3 shows at Granites Mining Site where I’m going to find her a husband The first show there is at 7:30am….yes A-fucking-M! I think the first set could be classes as modern/interparative musings. Whereby the audience sits for 45 minutes, watching me sitting in my PJs, drinking coffee.

Then onto DARWIN (Humpty Doo) where our first stop will toady be HERE!

ALYANGULA (Groote Eylandt) there’s a saying…NO ROOTS ON GROOTE. Don’t tell Heiny, or she won’t come

And NHULUNBUY (Gove) you haven’t been to the Territory, unless you’ve been to Gove. I heart the place, big time


I just love trying to saying the names

Humpty Dooooooooo anyone?

 

Some more solo shows have been confirmed for September too

In a addition to GERALDTON, there’s now

KALGOORLIE (WA)

COLLIE (WA)

LANCELIN (WA)


And in Victoria, I’ll be heading to

BRIGHTON BEACH

SOUTH MORANG

And MULGRAVE

All the details are to the left in the tour dates column. Or you can see more on the complete gig page

I know there are some solo Sydney, and possibly Adelaide shows being finalised soon too

Will keep you posted

 

But right now my immediate focus is on a gig I just found out about this morning

That’s for next Monday

It’s the one I think I’m most nervous about

It’s only to a group of about 16

A private function I guess you could call it

They’ve asked me to keep it clean

I promised I would

It’s not something I would ever normally say yes to

But they asked so nicely

And then Magoo got in on the act

And gave me her never fail, puh-weeeease Mummy face

So I caved

I am now doing a show next week

For Magoo’s PRESCHOOL CLASS!


Magoo is excited beyond words

Well, not really ‘beyond’ words

‘Cause she hasn’t shut up

“….oh Mummy it going to be so gweat. They will wuv your singing so much. You can sing anything you want. Any song in the world Mummy…

…as long as it’s by Katy Perry”

 

 

 

new york minute

After arriving back in Chicago from Melbourne on Monday night

Not much more than 24 hours later, I did what any insane biatch would do

I got up at 2:30am and headed back to the airport

And got on another plane

And flew to New York

See that dot in the middle?

That’s the Statue Of Liberty right tharr!

I had a meeting-slash-appointment that was kinda important

That I couldn’t get out of

Believe me, I tried

Anyhoo

I chose to make lemon-vodka-shots out of lemons

And planned to make the most of having a day in New York

The work stuff was over way faster than expected

And not because I fell asleep *ahem*

So that left me with a few hours before my flight home

I walked around seeing a few of the sights

I believe they call it sight-seeing?

I was getting the hang of it

Even when my legs got the occasional jetlag sway, and my eyes wouldn’t stay open

I made it to Rockefeller Plaza

Trump Tower

Saw a tourist bus that I couldn’t find the place to buy tickets for

Then I found this bad boy

New York GOLD

And the line to get some of this tucker made my decision to eat here easy

Verdict – awesome

Even with the sauce stained scarf and onion breath it left me

Took lots of pics

Wished I had a ‘big girl’ camera, so I could’ve looked all professional ‘n’ shit

And maybe ended up with better pics

Especially of Central Park (above)

And Times Square

But I came to the conclusion that it would have been a bastard to carry

And I would have either dropped it or lost it

Even tried to be like the cool kids and put me IN a pic

By taking it myself

You know you’re a shitty photographer when you can’t even get YOURSELF to look at the camera

Cool background though

Of fuck-knows what

So my New York minute

Actually it was 480 minutes

Was quick

Productive, hopefully

And wore me the fuck out

The upside?

A second lot of WECOME HOME hugs in as many days, from my babies

 

 

some fucking people…

…are unbelievable

I’ve never sat through an entire episode of Toddlers And Tiaras

What I have seen has shown me that there are lot of gay men out there

That are married to women

And have daughters

And they’re pushing these little girls into beauty pagaents

In custom gaudy gowns, they lovingly sewed themselves

Nice work Daddios!

And then there’s the Mums

Who make me laugh, cry, cringe and want to stab a bitch all at the same time

But this video

This one takes the cake

So instead of a traditional Fuck It Up Friday

Have a look at this video

‘Cause this ‘mother’, is doing a top notch job

At fucking her kid up royally

Parenting or child abuse?