The girls are getting their Nanna & Poppy time in on this trip

Big time

Like, every day

Which is a whole pile of awesome for everyone

It’s a big ol’ mutual admiration society going on over here

But for anyone that reads this blog regularly

And knows about my youngest daughter, Magoo

How cute & spunky she is

Yes, cute & spunky is code for – Oh sweet Jesus if turns out anymore like my Dad we are all fucked – fucked I say!

You’d understand my trepidation & concern of her excess Poppy time

She  already lives by the DILLIGAF motto FAR to much for her Mummy’s liking

But I couldn’t separate them if I tried

They’re like Papa Smurf & Baby Smurf

Sonny & mini Cher

Laurel & Hardy the midget

Dad’s been working hard at educating the girls with as much ‘Australiana’ as he can

He loves that they live in Chicago and all that that entails

Annual trips to the U.S to see them

The awesome little ‘gansta’ accents they have

But he’s always been determined that they should know as much as he can teach them about their Aussie heritage

And the girls, in turn, are complete sponges

Hanging on his every word

He’s like a walking encyclopedia of Australia and it’s history

Ask a question – he’ll know the  answer

He’s also trying hard to instill in them, important life lessons about growing up in the bush

I don’t have the heart to tell him that some of his outback ‘ways’

Are lost on a couple of little city chicks from Chicago

But I’m happy let him keep sharing his chunks of Poppy wisdom with them

Like, “Never squat for a shit poop while you’re wearing spurs”

Biffo: Australian slang for ‘fight’ – eg; “she got into a bit of a biff, it was a fair dinkum biffo!”

So we’re in Dunedin today

Walking through town, I was salivating amazed at the amount of shoe shops

I am a big shoe fan

My 3 closets full of shoes, will attest to that

But on the road, shopping just means more shit to try and cram into your suitcase

That you have to carry every day

But I was inundated with UGG boots today

And I totally NEEDED a new pair of UGGS

No really, I DO!

My old ones are nearly a decade old, and full of holes

So, with that in mind I decided to shop for a new pair of UGGS

They’re like an Australian icon now

But you know what I found out today?

UGG Boots aren’t even MADE in Australia anymore!

The fuck?

Yep, as with everything else, they’re made in China these days

Gutted

But there’s good news!

I found CANTERBURY BOOTS

Dare I say it….MORE comfy than UGGS

Way cheaper than UGGS

And the best bit, they’re 100% made in New Zealand

SOLD!

Love them….and wore them all afternoon

Mum gave me the, “Have you got enough room in your suitcase for another pair of boots?”

Duh Mum….hello?

There is ALWAYS room for more boots Mum, always

Anyhoo

We get to tonight’s gig

And Mum radios me backstage

“Did you bring your new boots?”

I was waiting for her to give me shit

“Yes I did. I just took them off to put on my follow me fuck me boots work boots”

“Can you get someone to bring me out your wool boots? My feet are freezing out here!”

Huzzah – I WIN!

So I sent my warm & woolly boots out to Mum

And it was lucky I did

There was bloke during my show who was, how should I put it….an absolute fuckwit a bit vocal

“…Jenny I LOVE YOU! Jenny I lost my family because of you!!”

Wuh?

“…Jenny my wife left me because of you!”

And this is where he started to sound like Forest Gump

“…JEEEEEENNNNNNYYYYYY!!!”

He, after I tore him a new arsehole eventually quietened down a bit

Only to ark back up when Dad came out

He got warned

He got warned again

Then we sent Betty in

Who tried talking to him

He basically told her to go fuck herself

But not that nicely

She told him he had to leave

He wouldn’t

He told her to go fuck herself again

Stupid, stupid man

It was a blur from then on

Mum grabbed him by the collar

Next thing I know he was out on the street, sitting on the curb

While the crowd in the theatre were on their feet, giving Mum a standing ovation

I’m still laughing

And probably still will be tomorrow morning

When I go back to the shops

To buy Mum her OWN pair of BIFFO BOOTS

Everybody has different ways of relaxing

Read a book

Glass of wine

Smoke a joint

Massage

Take a nap

For me, I like to watch this

It chills me out

The mellow background music

The waves crashing

It also makes me laugh my arse off

OK, not ALL new shows make me nervous

Most of them make me excited

Like some of the solo shows I have coming up

I start the NORTHERN TERRITORY shows in a couple of weeks

Heiny & I are going to do those shows Thelma & Louise style….AGAIN!

She’s never been to the Territory before

So 3 shows at Granites Mining Site where I’m going to find her a husband The first show there is at 7:30am….yes A-fucking-M! I think the first set could be classes as modern/interparative musings. Whereby the audience sits for 45 minutes, watching me sitting in my PJs, drinking coffee.

Then onto DARWIN (Humpty Doo) where our first stop will toady be HERE!

ALYANGULA (Groote Eylandt) there’s a saying…NO ROOTS ON GROOTE. Don’t tell Heiny, or she won’t come

And NHULUNBUY (Gove) you haven’t been to the Territory, unless you’ve been to Gove. I heart the place, big time

I just love trying to saying the names

Humpty Dooooooooo anyone?

 

Some more solo shows have been confirmed for September too

In a addition to GERALDTON, there’s now

KALGOORLIE (WA)

COLLIE (WA)

LANCELIN (WA)

And in Victoria, I’ll be heading to

BRIGHTON BEACH

SOUTH MORANG

And MULGRAVE

All the details are to the left in the tour dates column. Or you can see more on the complete gig page

I know there are some solo Sydney, and possibly Adelaide shows being finalised soon too

Will keep you posted

 

But right now my immediate focus is on a gig I just found out about this morning

That’s for next Monday

It’s the one I think I’m most nervous about

It’s only to a group of about 16

A private function I guess you could call it

They’ve asked me to keep it clean

I promised I would

It’s not something I would ever normally say yes to

But they asked so nicely

And then Magoo got in on the act

And gave me her never fail, puh-weeeease Mummy face

So I caved

I am now doing a show next week

For Magoo’s PRESCHOOL CLASS!

Magoo is excited beyond words

Well, not really ‘beyond’ words

‘Cause she hasn’t shut up

“….oh Mummy it going to be so gweat. They will wuv your singing so much. You can sing anything you want. Any song in the world Mummy…

…as long as it’s by Katy Perry”